Sunday, November 23, 2008

Young, Married and Unhappy

Dear Zane,

Let me start out by saying you are a very talented author and I love your books. I am 21 years old and I am married with no children. I have been married for a year & 9 months. The marriage is already starting to go sour & we fight all the time. We are separated for a while now and our marriage is still the same. We tried going to counseling but that didn't work out so well. My husband likes to do things his way, gets upset when I don't want to do something his way, and tries to control me most times. His mother and I don't see eye to eye because she was very rude to me when she met me the 1st & 2nd time. So I don't really like her because of her not so nice ways, and she has also bad mouthed me. Now he is saying he isn't sure if he wants to be with me anymore, & I feel the same way. Whenever I try to talk to him about something he did that was wrong, he doesn't like it at all. There were also 2 incidents when I went in his phone & found text messages from other women he was getting really close to. He said nothing happened but I’m not sure I believe him. They were telling him how much they missed him & were thinking about him, & vice versa. I love him but, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I haven't been happy for a while now, but I can't seem to walk away. Can u please give me some advice?????? I would greatly appreciate it :)

I also want to have a career being an author & writer. Can please tell me how I can go about getting published & writing for TV???

Young and Confused

Dear Young and Confused,

When you state “I do not know how much more of this I can take,” that says it all. You are young and your marriage has been relatively short. There are no kids involved and he is already disrespecting you in many ways: communicating with other women, trying to control you and disregarding your emotional well-being by making blanket statements. He sounds like a Momma’s Boy who goes and complains to his mother and whimpers on her shoulder. Otherwise, on what basis would she be judging you, if not from what she has heard from him.

He is not ready for a commitment; that is painfully obvious. Do not subject yourself to more misery and even though you claim not to know how to walk away, sisterfriend, put one foot in front of the other and count your blessings that you did not spend 10, 20, or 30 years in the situation. Happiness is everything in this life and if you have not been happy for a while, odds are that things will not turn around for the better.

As for writing, the only way to start is to write something realizing that it is not the final draft. Reach out to resources and recognize that the industry is a game of patience. However, if it is for you, it will be for you and no one will take that away from you. Just make sure that when you are writing, you focus is clear and trust me, I know from experience, a bad relationship is the ultimate writers’ block.


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