Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Conflicted In Love

Dear Zane,

I was with this guy for a little over two years. He cheated on me, then shortly after we both found out I was pregnant. I couldn't let go of the pain of him cheating and always threw it in his face that he hurt me. We broke up not too long after that (I was still pregnant). He remained in my life and still went to doctor's appointments and was there when I gave birth as well; not to mention he is still around on the daily. We go shopping for our child together and just hang out. Until I started dating this new guy, we would go out to movies and dinner as well.
I started dating my new guy about a year after me and my ex broke up and he is so sweet to me and my child. And I feel myself falling for him but I'm scared. Part of me still feels love for my ex but I don't know if I should go back to that chapter in my life. (Would it still be considered the same chapter if he says he's learned from his mistakes?) Should I continue seeing this new guy? I don't want to lead him on but I don't want to lose such a good guy either. What do I do?

Signed,
Conflicted in Love


Dear Conflicted in Love,

You are trying to have your cake and eat it too and that is not fair. How would you feel if the tables were turned and you were Door A, B, or C for a man with other women behind the other two doors.

Either you need to leave your ex as an ex, or try again, and only you can make that determination. It is definitely a new chapter because you have been in a relationship with someone else. That will have some sort of effect on dealing with your ex. You need to think long and hard about what happened before and whether or not, despite his talk, that you believe he has changed. People rarely change their habits and beliefs but it is possible. There are some men who do learn their lesson when they lose someone and vow to never make the same mistakes. However, that is rare. He might lure you away from a good man and then revert back to his old ways, as soon as he knows the coast is clear.

Unless your new man has done something to hurt you, I would continue to give him a shot. But you have to make a choice and you need to do it immediately before you lose both of them for good.

Blessings,
Zane

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