When You Don't Know How To Get Out

Dear Zane,

My boyfriend (fiancé) who I've been with for a year and 4 months is getting on my nerves. When our relationship started I had sex with him like that first week and really I thought that was the only way that I could get him so I did it. But now that I'm more involved in church I feel like we shouldn't have sex anymore until we get married. He called me crazy and said that it is crazy for me to even feel that way because God is going to bless me regardless of me having sex with him or not. But I know that is true in a way but I won't be able to get the full blessings that He has for my life and the things that I know I can have are there but I know for a fact that having sex with him is hindering me from reaching my blessings and getting the anointing that God has placed upon my life. So what do I do? I am so confused because I love him but he makes me unhappy because he doesn't believe in me and he's not respecting my feelings.

Signed,
Don’t Know How to Get Out


Dear Don’t Know How to Get Out,

You are not going to like what I have to say. You are entitled to refrain from sex outside of marriage due to spiritual reasons but you cannot subject your beliefs on someone else. The man you are with was given sex from the very beginning and now you want to change the rules midstream. He does not have to agree to that and he will eventually leave, and rightfully so. If you had met him on those terms and he agreed to wait, that would be one thing. That is not how it happened. You changed the way that you felt and now you expect him to conform to your newfound train of thought.

I am not going to get into the religious part of this because, like I said, it is your right to do whatever you want with your body. I have sex outside of marriage and I know that God has continuously blessed me. I am not going to sit here and say that I will refrain from it either because I have no plans to ever marry again. What you do is end the relationship and be fair. Let the man go have his needs met somewhere else because you are not respecting his feelings and he has every right to expect intimacy based on how you originally got involved with him.

Blessings,
Zane