Friday, November 28, 2008

When You Let It Happen

Dear Zane,

I just want to let you know that you are a very talented author and I love your work. I'm really confused about some things.About three months ago, I started hanging out with a girl that I met through my best friend. We go out together every weekend and she's really fun to be around. She calls me and text me every day and we talk for hours at a time. She had revealed to me that she used to date a girl before she moved here but she says it was only that one time. I thought it was curiosity.

Well we went out this weekend to a club together. While I was dancing she walked up behind me and started dancing and touching on me, but I didn't stop her. I thought we were just having fun until she kissed me. I didn't push her away and I did kiss her back, for about a minute we kissed. Afterwards I went into the bathroom because I couldn't believe what had just happened and she followed me. She told me that she had wanted to do that for a while now, and she asked me if I was attracted to her.

I didn't really know what to tell her because I was really shocked. I just kept looking at her. Then after about 5 minutes of awkward silence between us she walked up to me and started to touch me sexually and I continued to let it happen. When we left the club we went to her house for our weekly card game with more of our friends. She asked me to follow her to her room and I did. She actually slowly undressed me and walked me to the shower with her. She bathed me and kissed me everywhere, and I let it happen. It felt like I was in heaven. But I feel bad because I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years and we live together, but I did not once think about him while I was with her. I'm thinking about telling him that I cheated, but I'm scared he might leave me. He's a great man and deserves to know the truth. Should I tell him or not? Am I discovering my true sexuality or am I just curious? Should I continue seeing her? Please help me, Zane.

I Let It Happen

Dear I Let It Happen,

This is an interesting situation. I do think you were curious and decided to go along for the ride to see what happened. Nowhere in your email did you express sincere feelings for the woman so it was a sex thing and nothing more. She had a feeling that she could seduce you and that is exactly what she did. Nothing more, nothing less.

As far as telling your man, I believe you might lose him. There is always that risk but you have to place yourself in his shoes. If he slipped and had sex with someone else but still remained in a relationship with you, would you expect him to be honest? If your answer is yes, then there is what you should do. If your answer is no, then that means you are content to be in a relationship based on lies.

You need to do some serious soul-searching and only you can do that. Reflect upon what happened and why you believe you allowed it to go as far as it did. People do not become lesbians overnight though and a lot of women have experimented but are certainly not gay. You cannot continue to see her unless you stop seeing your boyfriend. Cheating is cheating, even if it is with the same sex.


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