Does Love Have to Include Bullshit?

Dear Zane,

I am sure you get so many emails every day and you don’t have the time to answer/post them all but if I could just get some type of response, I will be happy because I feel like I am going crazy. So about 9 months ago my boyfriend/son's father broke up after 5 years of being together. Well pretty much he wanted to basically see what else was out there, and he has ended up in a "relationship" with 2 young girls (I guess about 18 years old). In some type of weird thing. For the longest I blamed myself and everything else. Now I have tried to move on and I am in a new situation with someone new, but I still have my son asking me every day why can’t we live at our old house with Daddy? And I believe that this is resulting in me having startling dreams night after night and startling thoughts day after day about my ex.

I’m trying so hard to get him out of my system. I just don’t know what it is. I hope like hell I am not still in love with this loser because he made his choice, but I don’t understand why I can’t get him out of my head. I care about the new man that I am with but it’s not like it was with my ex. I don’t think I will ever love someone like that again. But some nights I wake up in cold sweats with my new man looking at me like, what the fuck is wrong with you. And it’s just that I don’t know what’s wrong. It’s been almost a year now. How can my ex still be on my mind so heavily when I borderline hate him with a passion? I know it’s long but please, any bit of response you have will be helpful.

Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Five years and co-parenting is not an easy thing to forget. However, you must realize that your ex is not coming back, nor should you want him back. He left to go do some freaky deaky shit with babies and you still think he is some sort of prize material. He is not. He chose to sow his wild oats instead of keeping your family together. Trust me, I know how it feels to have children wondering why parents cannot get along but the alternative, having them grow up in total dysfunction, is never the correct answer.

You have a new man and he seems to care so you need to try to somehow channel your passion and compassion toward him. You can love again. Do not be one of those women who thinks that love is not real unless it comes with a certain degree of bullshit. After a year, you need to let it go or you might lose the man in your bed and not just the one in your head.

Blessings,
Zane