Completely Lost But Definitely In Love

Dear Zane,

I am a new reader of your books and I love them. I got all of your books but, anyway, I have a situation. I had been with my baby’s daddy for seven years and we just broke up last year. He left me for some crazy white girl. He couldn’t even tell me the real deal. My son had to tell me. But we have still been having sex the entire time he has been with her. The thing is, before we broke up, she knew we were together but she didn’t care. The chick was even bold enough to come up in my face when I was pregnant and lied and told me that she wasn’t messing with him when she was.

We still act like we are together. He does things for me that he had never done when we were together. We have three kids together and he keeps telling me that we wants to come back but claims that he is in a messed-up situation when it comes to her. Let’s get straight to the point. I love the hell out of him. I tried letting go but it hurts too badly and he cannot seem to let go of me either. Anytime he sees me out with my friends, he thinks that their boyfriends are with me and he acts a damn fool. It makes me want to go run and hide. I even tried to stop having sex with him but that didn’t work. I tried dating but he is all I think about. Hell, I just feel stuck.

By the way, I am his first love and he is my first as well. So what do you think I should do because I want him her with me. He wants to leave her but he doesn’t know how to leave because she is really stuck on him. I don’t know the real reason this is happening. I think it’s because of the money she gives him, or it could be that he is in love with her. I am hurting and he knows this because he tells me all the time and he apologizes a lot. He also calls me crying, telling me how bad he realizes that he fucked up when it comes to me. I need your advice. Please help.

Signed,
Completely Lost But Definitely In Love

Dear Completely Lost But Definitely In Love,

You use the word “stuck” a few times in this email and you are right, all of you are stuck on stupidity. It is ironic that I was laying in bed sick this morning, watching Jerry Springer, and the thought went through my head that I would love to do a talk show called “Stuck on Stupid” where I could sit down and talk to some of the women I see on these shows fighting over no-good men.

Everyone is trying. You are trying to stop having sex with him. He is trying to leave the other woman. You are trying to date other people. He is trying to make amends for fucking another woman that he is still fucking. Here is the cold hard truth. Even though he is the father of your three kids, he is not your man but you are his woman. You are not seeing anyone else but he can do whatever he likes, whenever he likes. The other woman—regardless of her face—chose to go after someone else’s man. The fact that you were pregnant makes her even more desperate and she is getting exactly what she asked for—an unfaithful man.

If it were not for the fact that he fathered your children, I would tell you to stay away from him altogether. You are in a very bad place. You have convinced yourself that this man cares about you, even though his actions speak volumes to the exact opposite. He only cares about himself and women tend to allow men to tell them anything and believe it is the gospel. Men realize that they can be as trifling as they want to be but as long as they whisper the right things in our ears, we will fall for the game.

Young lady, this situation will never change. It might go into rotation, meaning he may dump the other woman and come back to you long enough to gauge out his next victim. Then he will be gone again but still coming through to jump between your legs at whim. Why? Because you allow it and only you can stop it. If need be, make arrangements for him to see his kids in a public place, if you feel like you cannot be alone with him without wanting his sex. He may be your first love but you are his biggest fool. The other woman is a fool as well but let him go be her problem.

Blessings,
Zane