Friday, November 28, 2008

When You Seem to Be The Only One Making An Effort

Dear Zane,

Personally I love all of your books. Skyscraper and The Sisters of APF are my favorites. Any way I’m writing to you because, like others, I need advice. I've been with my man for over a year and I love him dearly and he tells me the same. We have even gone as far as talking about me having his baby. Mind you, he's 31 and I'm 19 and he already has 3 kids. I don't mind that. I know he isn't an unfit father so I know I’m okay in that dept. But my thing is he and I hardly spend any time together and that's something I hate with a passion. And he knows it because I’m constantly telling him. So but of course that's when I start accusing him of cheating and what not so, at times, this does turns into an argument. He swears he doesn’t cheats which, at times, I believe because he takes shit like that seriously, but i don’t know.

Is it because I’m not wanting to believe or could it just be that I'm not used to being in a relationship for a long period of time. I really haven’t had the best of luck on relationships, being as though I grew up in a strict household which also leads to my mom not liking my boyfriend because of his age . What should I do? Should I keep trying to make this relationship work? How can I make him understand that spending time with each other is also an important part of our relationship?

Ms. Tired of trying

Dear Ms. Tired of Trying,

You cannot make a grown man understand the basics of a relationship if he does not already know it. If I were you mother, strict or not, I would have ten hissy fits if my daughter were dating a man 12 years older than her with three kids. Especially if he has never made a commitment to any of the previous mothers. The fact that he would discuss you having a baby for him speaks volumes. He does not need any more children unless he is a married man. What happened to talking about marriage? Just the baby, huh?

You are young and while you are going to hate to hear this, this man is playing with your emotions. If would be different if he was spending every waking moment with you and was actually caught up but what he is doing it trying to make you accept his bullshit and no longer question it. Even if he is sincere, he is not the man for you. The two of you have different expectations of a relationship. You want to spend quality time together, which is reasonable, and he doesn’t.

Please do yourself a favor and leave him alone. Your mother only wants the best for you and she has the benefit of experience. Next year this time you will be singing your own praises for getting the hell away from him before you ended up pregnant and attached to his no good ass for life.


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