Stressed and Depressed

Dear Zane,

First of all, I want to say I love your books. You keep it real. What I want to talk to you about is my depression. A couple of months ago my boyfriend and I decided to move in together and he was always so good to me. Until one day I came home earlier than expected and he had some girl in the bed. I kicked his ass out, because a man only has one time to cheat on me and that’s it. The problem is, I am tired of guys always taking my kindness for granted. I changed myself since last year, because I would say whatever to a guy and not care. And I was told I should be nicer to guys. But when I am nice they take all I do for granted and I am so tired of it.

I am depressed because I am tired of being used and it stresses me out. Sometimes I cry at night to go to sleep. At times, I feel good, then at times I feel sad all of a sudden and I sit in the dark and cry. I have my own apartment, my own car and I have a good paying job, but I shouldn't be this depressed. I am only 23. Life is unpredictable and it’s hard for me right now. I don't know what I should do about this depression. I have never been this depressed before, and my friends said they never seen me this way and they are always concerned, making sure I’m okay. I lie and say I am fine, because I don't want them to worry. But I am actually hurting like hell on the inside. Thank you for reading in advance.


Signed,
Stressed and Depressed

Dear Stressed and Depressed,

You are young and you have so much in front of you. At 23, you have accomplished much and you should be delighted about that. The problem is that you are allowing your connection with men to define who you are. If I have said this once, I have said it a thousand times, men should not define us, they should enhance us. When they take away from our emotional well-being, our health, when they stress us out and treat us like shit, they are not enhancing a damn thing.
For you to come home from work and find another woman in your home, in your bed, means that he was definitely not the man for you. I believe what happened was a blessing for if you had not witnessed such disrespect with your own eyes, you might still be hitching your flag to a falling star. He made a choice and it was probably not the first time he cheated. For him to be bold enough to bring someone into the home you share, one can only imagine what he was doing out in the streets. He is not looking for a woman who has her own place, her own car and a good-paying job. He is looking for a skank that would lay up in another woman’s bed while she is at work.

As much as you want to give up on love, do not, but take your time. You are making unwise decisions and possible rushing into relationships. Try the single life for a while; date without making a commitment. Make a man put in time and effort to become a part of your life. Do not be depressed. Give yourself one more night to feel sorry for yourself. Cry all night tonight if you have to but tomorrow morning, you pick yourself and your heart up from the ashes and reinvent yourself.

Do not play the victim because predators will pick up on that and use you accordingly. We do not seek love; we attract it. If you continue to feel depressed, seek help. None of those bastards are worth it. You have way too much going for you.

Blessings,
Zane