When Your Lover Is In An Arranged Marriage

Dear Zane,

I’m 21 and I’m with this man who is 35. He's Indian and I’m Dominican born and he in N.Y.C. I’ve been with this guy for 2 years now and I love him like crazy and he says that he loves me like crazy himself too, but here is the problem. He got married while being with me...he didn’t tell me but I found out by one of the girls that I work with...as u know Indian people have an arranged marriage so that was what happened with him...in December 28 07 he went to India to see his wife but he had told me that he was going to New Zealand but he ended up in India and he lasted 2 months and a half over there and I’m not going to lie, it was fucking killing me like crazy. I used to cry every day.

Now he told me that he was going to California to see if he can start a business over there. How is it that he left on August 1 and I haven’t spoken to him at all? He sent me flowers by mail because of our anniversary, but you want to know why he hasn’t called me; because he went to see his wife and girl, that’s killing me. I can’t take it. I don’t even know when he is going to come back. He should have been here by now. He told me that he was coming back on the 23rd and he didn’t…I don’t know what to do. I love him a lot and Zane, when he’s here, he treats me like a queen. This man gives me everything. You name it and I’ll get it but the problem is when he goes away….Can u please help me? I’m falling into a big depression, please.

Signed,
Seeking 4 Help



Dear Seeking 4 Help,

Darling, I do not doubt that he treats you like a queen when he is there. Otherwise you would not be so caught up in his lies. But he is not there, he is with his wife and you are sitting there waiting for a married man to come back and spend some time with you before he jets off again. Okay, he is in an arranged marriage. He did not have the decency to tell you himself and would not have told you unless someone else gave him away. He runs off and lies about where he is headed and you are talking it all. You are crying over a man who is someone plummeting his penis in and out of another woman. Even if he was forced to marry her, that is not your issue and you have become a mistress. That is all you are and all you can ever be with him. Is that what you want for yourself? I am sure it is not.

This is going to be a hard pill to swallow but you have to cease all contact with this man. Otherwise you will be like the character in Dreamgirls who was Eddie Murphy’s mistress forever and a damn day with nothing to show for it but a ton of heartache and disappointment. If his marriage is by duty, he is not going to leave her and thus, he can never be yours.

Please, please, please, respect yourself enough to cut all ties. Cry is you have to and then get down on your knees and thank God that you have set yourself free from the mental chains this man has imposed upon you.

Blessings,
Zane