Let me first say that I love reading your novels. They make me feel like I am right there in the situations. On a more personal level, I need your advice. I am a 22-year-old single mother who just moved from Virginia to Washington State to get away from all the drama. I feel that I am doing really well in my life and I do not hate being single. It seems like I attract nothing but pure assholes. When I am with someone, I put my all into them, wanting the best for them and being completely supportive. I do not do all the drama stuff because I left that alone when I was in high school.
What makes matter worse is that as soon as I have a falling out with a guy I go straight back to my baby's daddy, who has stated on several different occasions that he does not want to be with me. I know that he truly loves me. I am so confused. At this point, I feel like I am going to be single forever. I know that the right person is out there for me but I am so afraid to open up again; they all end up disappointing me. At the same time I have always given every guy a fair chance because I do not want to put my past on them. So how do I know when I have met my match, or am I destined to be alone?
One Lonely Woman
Dear One Lonely Woman,
Your major issue is this constant running back to the father of your child, who tells you that he does not want you. Yet, you claim that he loves you. He might very well love you and feel a bond toward you but there are a lot of people who love one another but cannot be in a healthy relationship due to other factors. Trust me, I know from personal experience. There are men who I know for a fact are in love with me but I could never be with them again. One run at a toxic relationship is enough. Until you come to terms with the fact that the only thing you need to share with him is parenting it will be difficult to establish ties with someone else.
You say that as soon as there is trouble with a new man, you run back to him, as if he is some ultimate prize and you are comparing every other man to the one who got away. You have to stop that behavior because, despite what you say, you are not giving new men a fair chance.
You are only twenty-two and forever is a long time. There is no reason to assume that you will be alone forever. You moved to get a fresh start so make a fresh start, minus still relying on your ex for anything other than caring for his child.