Sunday, November 23, 2008

A Skeleton in Her Closet

Dear Zane,

This past week has been so crazy for me. I met my biological father’s family for the 1st time this week and it was nice. Not for my mother though; all my life she has raised me to believe that my step was the real father. She is really mad at me for looking for them because there were some lies that surrounded the whole situation. Some say she didn't know who my real father was, some say she was not raped, some say she betrayed her mom by being with her step-dad(at the time). I understand that people feel pain but don't I deserve the right to know how I got here and what happened? Sometimes I got accused of doing things that a daughter never should but because of what happened in the past and the fact that the scars are still there, it affects how I was raised and the relationship that I have with my mom and step-dad!!!

Zane, I just need some advice on how to approach my mother so we can talk this out as a family. I just found out that I have a little sis and bro by my bio-father but my mom is rejecting them. I feel like no one asked to be here but we are here now so I feel if she rejects them, she is rejecting me. Regardless of what happened in the past, they are still my family. I just want everyone to get that too much to ask?

A Skeleton in Her Closet

Dear A Skeleton in Her Closet,

No, it is not too much to ask and you are right, your siblings and you are pawns in a game that you did not choose to play. You should get to know your little brother and sister and bond with them for life. Do not allow either of your parents to prevent that. Your mother has issues and I encourage you not to judge her, or even try to completely understand her. It does not matter what actually happened at this point, no matter how many people attempt to speculate. All that matters is the perception of what went down between your parents. Surely she is upset that she raised you to believe that one man was your father when he was not. Getting caught in a lie such as that would throw anyone into a spiral.

Love your parents for who they are, realizing that no one is perfect, nor can anyone change the past. You must all move forward, hopefully together.


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