Sunday, November 23, 2008

When You Still Want Him Back

Dear Zane,

Let me start off by saying that I love your books and congratulations on having the show. I may be young but that does not mean that I do not know what is going on, or do not feel anything, for that matter.

I know you receive lots of email messages but I was wondering if you could help me with something. I can wait if your response takes a while.

I have known this man since high school and I spent my entire sophomore year in love with him. We started out as friends but never really moved beyond that. Then I started having feelings for him and realized that he would not do anything about it. I stopped talking to him for the rest of my high school years.

Anyway, to make a long story short, after my first year in college, he finally decided to ask me out and after wanting that for years, I said yes. The beginning was great. I was in love and I thought he loved me, too. Then he moved two hours away when before, he said that it was just a week long trip. Every week he would say he was coming back the following week until one day he said he did not know when he was coming back. He stopped calling me as often and our conversations got shorter each time.

I talked to one of my friends about it and she advised me to break up with him; I did. I also started hearing a lot of other things that he was doing but now, four months later, I am still drooling over him and I want him back. What should I do? Why do I still want him, after he just up and left and after all that I have heard? Can you post it as a blog so I can get feedback from others? Mainly, I need your advice. Thanks in advance.

Still Want Him Back

Dear Still Want Him Back,

You still want him because you do love him. However, you cannot make him love, respect or want to be with you. He pulled a sour move by saying he was leaving for a week and probably knowing from day one that it was for good. He strung you along like a puppet and had you place your life on pause while he was setting up camp elsewhere. That is nasty, rude and he is a game player.

While I can appreciate you wanting to be with him, after waiting for so long for it to happen, I have to be honest. It sounds like he knew that you wanted him back in high school, ignored you and explored his other options, then hit you up when he ran into a drought of women. I do not believe, at least from what you have said, that is was ever his intention to have a long term relationship with you. You were easily accessible and he took advantage of the situation. Do not feel bad about it because you did nothing wrong. He is the ass wipe.

The best thing you can do is give him an easy out. Instead of allowing the conversations to get shorter and shorter, halt them altogether. Lose his number and stop calling and I am willing to bet he will not call you. He is looking for a way to get rid of you; do not make this any harder on yourself. Let it go and move on. He is not worthy of you and the next man cannot enter your life as long as you are caught up in a delusion.


UPDATE: I received the following response from the young lady:

Not to make long chain emails out of this, I just want to say thank you very much for opening my eyes. I thought of some of the things you said before but I love him so much I never took them into consideration. You are right, he knew i loved him all along but he was too busy exploring the world to pay attention to me at that time and when others left him he came to me knowing that I would say yes. Men are fucking mean, he made me believe that he loved me and wanted the relationship to work. You are so right because after I broke up with him, I called and texted him many times to try to make things work, but it was always me; never him giving me a call or anything...

Thanks a lot, Zane, you are a life saver. Now I can move on completely with no regrets. And yes I have deleted any possible ways of contacting him... thanks a lot!

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