Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

Dear Zane;

I am caught up in a situation that I am dealing with as a gay man. I know that you deal with sexual issues from a straight perspective but I still trust you to help as well to guide me in the right place.I am sexually saddened with myself. Like Patience, I am a hard working man, but there is another side of me that is daring and very sexual. And when I mean sexual, I mean SEXUAL!!!I'm a man who likes to experience the entire ordeal. I want to be taken into a world where gay men can be themselves.

I feel when it comes to black gay men and sex, we are so caught up in the image of perfection, we just can't lay it down like we are supposed to do. I, for one, can lay it down!!!I am a versatile male and I like it all and can do it all; oral, anal. I like it all. But I feel that there is nobody out there who wants to do anything with me.

I was watching Episode 3 where Patience told Maricruz that, "Strong Confident men are attracted to Strong Confident Women."And that line really got to me. How can I be sexually confident if there is nobody worth being confident with? All that I know is I am tired of having sex with myself. Please help a brother out!

Sincerely,
Sexually Saddened!

Dear Sexually Saddened,

You are facing a dilemma that many sexually vibrant people are dealing with in today’s society. Too much emphasis is placed on perfect looks that a lot of people cannot even see the forest for the trees. I can tell that you are a good man, and from your photo, I can also tell you that you are a good looking man. Because you are not flashy or out trying to be the life of the party does not mean that you will not be a good companion. I will say that when you say, “there is nobody worth being confident with,” that means that you are either not meeting the right type of men or not meeting men at all.

You should hang out in environments more conducive to things that you like and not at clubs which are nothing but meat markets. I admire the fact that you are not bed hopping because a lot of people become tempted to do just that; sleep with everyone trying to find that special one. It is not easy to be alone but trust that the ideal man for you does exist. Could it be that you are attracted to the wrong type of men? Maybe you should step outside of your comfort zone and get to know people that you normally would not give the time of day. You may be in for a pleasant surprise.

Blessings,
Zane