I Don't Know

Dear Zane,

I need your advice. Usually I don’t let my heart get involved in relationships because I don’t want to get hurt. It’s just not for me. Over the summer, I met this girl and, long story short, I feel in love. At first, I didn’t take us seriously and had other females that I was talking to, but it was just talking. I wasn’t sexually involved with any of them. She found out and I think that was when she lost most of her trust in me.

Three months into our relationship, she went to Texas to visit her “best friend.” I didn’t really want her to go because I think her best friend was the reason she and her last girlfriend broke up. She asked me if I didn’t want her to go and I said it didn’t matter because I didn’t want it to seem like I was jealous. I mean, I kind of was jealous but not really. When she was out there, she went to comment on one of my pictures and saw that my ex had commented, saying all this stuff, acting like we were still together or messing around when we weren’t. After she read that, she cheated on me with her best friend. After all of that, we ended up breaking up.

But it confused the hell out of me because now she believes me but she has already moved to Texas with old girl. She’s telling me that she loves her but she is in love with me. Is that even possible? She wants to still be with me but she has to be with her because they live together. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had a problem being the other chick because that’s just less relationship stuff that I have to deal with, but I cannot do it with her. I actually do love this girl. It hurts that someone else has her and I can’t. I want to let her go but it hurts, knowing that if I let her go, I won’t even have a piece of her in my life. What do I do?

Signed,
I Don’t Know


Dear I Don’t Know,

You really have limited options here. The woman that you love made a decision, on her own, to move to Texas to be with another woman. Until she makes another decision to move away from here, there is nothing for you to do. You can continue to talk to her, pine for her affection, knowing that it is not going to happen. You can sneak around with her when she comes back to visit and have an unfulfilling relationship. Or you can let the entire situation go and move on.
There is no difference between lesbian and heterosexual relationships, no matter how many people try to say otherwise. You should not be content with sharing women, even though that is your norm. I understand wanting to protect your heart but we all must put our hearts on the line to find the real thing. Also, no matter how much we want to say that we can refrain from developing feelings for someone, what is meant to be will be.

You and this young lady have some trust issues, based upon what you said. She jumped to conclusions and decided to cheat with her best friend, starting a butterfly effect that is now hard to reverse. If she really loves you like she says, only she can rectify things. It is possible to love someone and be in love with someone else. Since the other woman was her best friend, that makes sense because I love my best friends but I am not in love with them.

I do not even think you should wait this one out. Do not put your life on hold for another person; any person. She is living with someone. That leaves you ass out and you should not accept that.

Blessings,
Zane