I have been reading your blogs for a while and I can’t help but relate to these people that are asking you for advice.I need a little myself: I have been with my kids’ dad for 7 years. In those 7 years we had 2 beautiful children. With that said, my first child was conceived at a time when we were on rocky grounds and he resented me for it. Then we tried to work it thru until I got kicked out of my apartment because of an incident that involved him. When I asked him what we were going to do all he said was what are you going to do, I then decided to move to another state where I had family to help me. He then started visiting me and the child once a month and said that everything was ok between us but I stayed where I was because he didn’t offer for us to come with him.
That went on for 4 years and now we have gotten married and are trying the whole family thing with our children. He has always said he never wanted to get married and he never wanted children, but never took precautions not to have them. I have done many things for this man because I love him but now that he is acting as a family man, he thinks I am not the person he wants to be with but is tolerating me because of the kids. I don’t know what to say or do any more. If I leave, he wants to keep the kids and I’m not for that. Then if I leave, I’m going to go back to where my family is and then he doesn’t want to be a part of the kids’ lives. Now I didn’t have a family growing up and he has both his parents. I want my kids to have the same but at what expense???? Any Zane advice??? Thanks .
A Long Way From Home
Dear A Long Way From Home,
Your husband is being verbally abusive and, in my opinion, making threats to try to get you to abandon your children. Do not contemplate that for five seconds. He cannot automatically gain custody of the kids, unless he can prove that you are an unfit parent. Do not leave either. Make him leave and file for divorce. In many states, you cannot simply state irreconcilable differences but you must prove actual grounds.
He had not one but two babies with you, even though he never wanted to. He married you, even though he never wanted to. He has serious issues. Now I am not suggesting that you should stay married to him forever because obviously, this is not going to work. While it is always ideal to have a two-parent home, it can be more harmful is the environment is detrimental to the children. This is a dilemma being faced by countless people around the world at any given moment.
Tell him that is he wants a divorce to file for one. Tell him that you are not leaving the marital home that you have just as much a right to as him and if he wants out, get out. Do not allow him to bully you into doing something you will later regret. If he does not leave, seek legal advice and find out your options.