Dear Zane, I have had a long distance relationship with this guy for a year now. He is seven years older than I am and was married but his wife died suddenly some years ago. I got the vibe that I should be careful of his feelings because of this and he told me he hadn't had sex since his wife. Anyway, we had sex for the first time and it was bad!!! His kisses were like a chicken pecking on me and he was so fast at everything. Even when I said slower or slow down it just was not slow enough. He kept telling me how "good and hard" he was going to give it to me, but when I got it, I was turned off. I told him what I liked but it was like he wasn't listening. I like him but I am not sure I can deal with having sex with him. Should I tell him I think we should just be friends?
Hit It Again or Quit It?
Dear Hit It Again or Quit It,
Yes, you need to leave well enough alone and be friends. You cannot be his sex therapist and if it was that bad, vast improvement will not come your way. Since it was a long distance thing anyway, still talk on the phone, make sure he is okay, be concerned about him but search for a man closer to home who can fulfill your needs. He is either not ready or simply ill-prepared and life is too short to make such a great compromise. The fact that he bragged about how he was going to break you off and then came up short—literally—leads me to believe that he honestly perceived that he accomplished something. What was satisfactory to his wife of many years may not measure up to your expectations. Be friends and leave it at that.