Monday, November 3, 2008

Is Another Man Ever the Answer?

Dear Zane,

First let me say that I LOVE your books. I wish I were more like you with your sexuality, open and free. Here's my issue....My husband and I have been married for 6 years but we've been together for 16, since we were 14. We have 3 adorable children together and he is a great father and provider but our sex life is like wet bread, soggy and of no use. My sex drive is so low, I hardly ever desire to do it. I get horny about twice a month but at that time he acts disinterested so it goes away. We have sex maybe once or twice a month and it is the same old routine...He kisses me, sucks my titties for a minute or two (which is fine by me because nipple stimulation does nothing for me, it's actually irritating), tries to enter me, then determines it's not wet enough, then goes down on me. I have a clitoral orgasm, he gets up, fucks me real quick, and it’s over. The whole time I'm faking as if it's good when in the back of my mind I'm saying, "Will you hurry the fuck up?"

I am so bored that I really am considering finding someone else to sex me. I have been with 2 others but only briefly and I feel like I' missing out on something more. We have in the past done just about everything you have suggested in your manual, How to Fuck a Man, but none of that works anymore. Every now and then we try something new but it does absolutely nothing for me. He pretends to be happy with the way things are, when he does get some, but I know he can't be if I'm not. I think most of my problem is the fact that he cheated on me a couple of years ago and I haven't trusted him since. I know I should have let his ass go but I didn't because I do love him and felt that things could work. If our sex life doesn't get better, I may do the same thing he did to me, but I'm not sure it's worth the risk. I don't masturbate because it does nothing for me. I've tried a few times and it felt like a waste of time. What else am I supposed to do? Please help me get some sexual release.


Seriously In Need

Dear Seriously In Need,

Cheating is never the solution. In this case, you both have already cheated and that is not surprising, being that you have been together since you were fourteen years old. But you are both thirty now, and you have three kids. That changes everything. By no means am I going to encourage you or anyone to cheat. That is never the answer. I suggest counseling, if the two of you cannot work it out together. Did his cheating upset you? What do you think your cheating will do to him? The fact that you have already stepped out twice means that your marriage is in serious jeopardy. If the two of you cannot be faithful, you need to evaluate your entire marriage. Bringing other people into the situation never makes sense and it always makes things worse.


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