How To Let Go Of The Hurt

Dear Zane,

First off, I want to say that you are a very talented woman and set a fine example for other women out there...Well, here is my story. I am in a relationship with an amazing man. He's great, smart, caring, God fearing, and hard working. My family loves him and so do I. My issue is that because of all the pain I have faced in the past, I sometimes don't know how to fully allow myself to trust him. Every man I have been with has lied to me, cheated, and just put negative notions in my mind. After being hurt so many times, I promised myself that I would never let any man take advantage of me. I have never really had any positive male role models in my life, which includes all my cousins, my brother, and my uncles who have all and continue to cheat and play women. Worst of all, my father made things worse by continuing an affair and ending his 19 year relationship with my mother, a woman who was the reason he had any type of success.

I love my man and I appreciate the fact that God blessed me with him. I just don't know how to not let the hurt of the past come back at times and cause me to question the moves he makes so much. Sometimes he does things that make me blow things up like telling little white lies, and when he does that I take things next level and spazz. I know I need to get that in check because I could lose him if I continue. I'm just afraid of getting hurt again... You can post this on your blog.

Sincerely,
How to let go of the hurt

Dear How to Let Go of the Hurt,

If I could bottle a way for people to let go of painful past relationships, I would be a trillionaire. The best advice that I can give you is to try and that is all that anyone can ask of you. You have been through a lot and seen a lot and you have a good reason to doubt men but there are good men. I would like to think that I have raised and will continue to raise good men. I believe that I have but society has made it difficult for women to find a lasting and true love and way too damn easy for men to ask like man-whores.

Your man has given you no reason to doubt him so you should cherish the moment and realize that every day is a gift. Do not waste precious time worrying about something that has not happened. If you get a chance, read my novel Afterburn. The main character Rayne had similar issues so the book deals heavily on that topic.

Meanwhile, treat your man like a king and do not run him away with unjust accusations or by making him feel like a criminal. Communicate with him and let him know how much you appreciate him on a regular basis. The way I see it, you are one of the lucky ones.

Blessings,
Zane