Saturday, November 22, 2008

Is It Okay for the Next Girl to Ask the Ex-Girl

Dear Zane,

Is it okay for the next girl to ask the ex-girl about the guy? I have recently been asked as the ex-girl, but I wondered about this because this guy could have changed since she has been with him. I have thought to ask some ex-girls for dirt but would that mean I was looking for a way out? I often wonder what would happen if my ex-husband's next asked me about him. I wondered if I would even tell her or if she would believe me. Why would the next girl ask the ex-girl anything?


Dear Wondering,

I have mixed feelings about this issue and even posted a blog earlier in the year about this very subject. Most people are creatures of habit—both men and women—and there are certain personality traits and habits that follow us the majority of our lives. A lot of women are na├»ve enough to believe that they can change men into someone different but a man can only bring about change in himself.

The exes of people are generally bitter but not all the time. If there was an ugly breakup, then they might even hate each other. People often find fault in each other and no one wants to admit that they were the ultimate cause of the demise of a relationship. Thus, some people make up excuses for their behavior.

I believe that one man's junk is another man's treasure and that even though we might not be compatible with someone, he might be the moon, the sun and the stars to the next woman. I guess it boils down to the motive behind this communication. I had one woman try to get me to call her after I started dating a man from her past. I had nothing to discuss with her, unless she was trying to imply that he was still seeing her, which he was not. It was obvious that she wanted to throw a monkey wrench into our relationship because she was bitter. I often want to be able to warn future women about a man but in the end, I never do because I do not believe that would process the information anyway. Some things people have to find out for themselves.



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