Sunday, November 23, 2008

How To Disclose Your Sexual Past (Or Lack Thereof)

Dear Zane,

I hope this is the correct way to go about asking a question for you and your readers to respond! This is ANONYMOUS of course, thanks.

I have recently gotten involved with a very nice divorced man who I know has been in at least one other long time relationship prior to meeting me. I am very interested in him and would like to take things slowly. We have not been intimate. The issue is that I am almost 40 years old and still a virgin. I am extremely anxious about the issue and I know the subject is going to come up soon. I am a late bloomer when it comes to men. Why am I still a virgin? I was always extremely shy and quite the nerd growing up so boys never seemed interested in me. It just never happened and I chose to focus on my education and career. Before I knew it I was in my 30's. Therefore I have never been in an intimate relationship. I am no longer that shy girl and I've come a long way over the years. However, the romantic part of my life is just now catching up. I am much more confident now, I feel beautiful, and I know I have a lot to offer this man. I am extremely anxious because I feel that he obviously has much more relationship and sexual experience than me and I literally just don't know what I'm doing. I would appreciate your thoughts, Zane, on how to broach the subject with him and how to just relax and enjoy myself. Thanks

Signed,
Full Disclosure

Dear Full Disclosure,

It says a lot about the man that you are seeing that the subject has not even come up because most men, even younger men, are wanting to get intimate from damn near day one. He is definitely a keeper and you should not feel uncomfortable in the least, letting him know that you have waited this late in life to explore your sexuality. This could be a very beautiful thing, in fact.
As far as not knowing what you are doing, people make way too much out of trying to hone sexual skills when, truth be told, no two people are the same as far as their desires and trigger points of pleasure. A man as seasoned as he is, and previously married, will have no problem telling you what he likes and he will be all the more appreciative of the fact that you have never done it for someone else.

Relax, go with the flow and when the topic does come up, embrace it and see what happens.

Blessings,
Zane

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