Friday, November 28, 2008

Friends Acting Like More?

Dear Zane,

My "friend" and I went together for a year. Then he broke off the relationship. So I tried to move on but it was hard. Then not even two months later, we end up back together, but he said he only wants to be friends. We were back together but only "friends" that go everywhere together, still sleep together, and help each other out financially when needed. Neither one of our families believe us when we say we are just friends. I love this man to death and will do anything for him.

Lately we have been spending time together still having sex, but he has been talking to all these females that he meet on MySpace or just around the way on the phone or anywhere he might run into them. I feel like I get disrespected every day; not only that, he will converse with them in front of my family. I want out of the friendship and relationship. But then, I keep thinking he can change because he moved 10 hours away from his hometown to be with me. He knows I’ll do anything for him and his family. What should I do? I feel like when we talk about it, he never sees anything wrong with what he does. I love it but I’m getting to where I can't take it anymore, but I don't want to lose the happiness I feel when we have our good days. Not only that; he’s my first boyfriend and first sexual partner. Now when we have sex, even if I suggest it, it’s hard for me to cum most of the time. I don't know what to do. Please give me some kind of advice.


Dear Confused,

Oh, how I can relate to this, as I am sure many women can since the Internet has become so popular. Men (and in fairness, some women) use the Internet as a way to stroke their egos. Your man is a flirt and that does not necessarily mean that he is cheating but he is being disrespectful. Honestly I believe that if two people love one another they should not give their partner any reason to even perceive that something might be going on. That only brings about too much temptation and trouble.

Now here is the crazy part. You are both saying that you are friends but you are acting like it is a relationship. He is not technically doing anything wrong if he has not made a commitment to be in a monogamous relationship, whether he moved there or not. You claim that it is only a friendship despite the love, the going out and the intimacy. He is making excuses to you about his behavior like he is in a relationship with you. The two of you need to decide what is what. Until you do that, you really have no reason to be jealous and he has no reason to explain his actions.


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