Tuesday, December 9, 2008

When You Have Lost All Faith in Love

Dear Zane,

I have never done this before, spoken to someone about what’s in my heart. Seeing as how you do not know me and since you probably will never read this, being that you have such a strong online fan base, I just have to let my heart out.

I do not believe in a lifetime of love. I do not believe in a human being loved someone for who they are; faults and all. I should say that I do not think that I will ever have that. I have been married to my husband for seven years—I was nineteen and he was twenty-five. At best, we might have had one good year together. We separated and I met a lot of different men who treated me way better than he ever has. We are together again due to circumstances—my health and our three kids. I am beyond sad. I have given up on having that loving relationship, even though I do love him. I am trying to get on my feet so I can leave but I do not trust men any more. I feel that they love you conditionally and I cannot give of myself any longer. I just had to say that. I had to let it out. My tears are gone and all that remains is sadness about my wasted youth.

Signed,
Non-believer


Dear Non-believer,

I do read my emails because I realize that people who email me are in a dark, deep place in their lives. I looked at your pictures on your page. You have three beautiful children and that is because they have a beautiful mother. I have to admit that I see a sadness in your face in many of the pictures, even though you are trying to fake happiness. It is true that most people do not love unconditionally, even though they claim that they will in the beginning. Life is full of stressful situations and often we take things out on the people we are supposed to love the most. Without speaking to your husband, I am not sure where he is coming from but if other men have treated you better, then he obviously has some issues. I am wondering if so many children within seven years has left you victim to post partum depression. Trust me, it is not a joke, because I went through it for years after my last child.

There are many who have given up on love. Some give up at your age. Some wait until the forties and I have even given up on it before when I ran into a few doozies in a row. Often, after reading these emails, I ask myself if it is worth it for me to ever risk my heart again. But love does exist. The first thing you need to do is make a final decision about your marriage. If you absolutely believe he is not the man for you, make sure you get out as soon as possible and I understand that is what you are working on. You must bring closure to that situation and close the door before you can open up another one. Once you are free, you have to pull yourself up out of the ashes and be confident and happy so that you can attract love and not seek it. Start working on the things you want to change about yourself. Plus I noticed that you said something about your health. Could it be that some of the medication you are on might be causing depression? You should talk to your doctor about that because often drugs that fix one thing can cause other problems.

Do not cry. You are young and it could be a lot worse. There are women right now waiting for men to come home that they have not seen in days, either because they are laid up with their mistress, or in a crack house. For whatever the reason, your husband did get back with you after the separation so that must mean something. Try to figure out why that is. The two of you married for a reason and then got off track. He may not be making much effort but are you?

Blessings,
Zane

10 comments:

Mr. Reality Check said...

Woman... stop with the drama!!

Married at 19 for the past 7 years makes you 26yrs old which is waaaaaay too young to be giving up on anything let alone love or trust in men. I don't know what your health issue is (all the best with that by the way) but I can tell you what your mental issues are and those are your inability to take accountability and action. Its the compounding of your personal issues that are wearing you down, not men. Your poor health, you children, lack of income, family/friend pressure and you just so happen to maybe not have the best of men.

You've seen for yourself that other men can and will treat you better than the man your with so obviously its not ALL men that are bad for you... just the dude you're with. You not making that move out the door (outside of health issues) is purely cowardly.

You're motivation for getting healthier should not be to walk away from this poor man it should be to walk toward a better life and a good man is not the definition of a good life he's just a supplement to that. Life is waiting on you to claim it... SO CLAIM IT!! and stop feeling sorry for yourself. When you leave him you'll feel down for no more than a year so just make sure you be strong for your kids, hang on to your friends and make lots of good habits to keep you smiling (e.g. cooking, cleaning, writing, working out, yoga, dancing, etc.) and in time life will find you... I promise.

-With Love
Mr. Reality Check (EBM)

Anonymous said...

I can tell you that I have truly been to hell and back with men. And a time that I had to given up on finding someone to love faults and all. But I am here to tell you that by taking time for my self I have found that person and we are happily married. You need too find out why your husband got back with you. Marriage is not easy but before yu decide to walk try counseling and, if that doesn't work then you should leave. As for you health you have to want to get better so that ouy can be the mother to your kids. I wish you all the best

Dru

Anonymous said...

http://sisterwannaride.blogspot.com/

Kerri said...

I know this is off the record and discussion at hand...but i was wondering if you could tell me when you were going to follow up with part 2 of Afterburn. I am desperately waiting to find out what happened to my boy.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you are so young not to believe. Now compare yourself to me: 39, sbf, never had a ltr, never engaged, never pregnant, never in love, never married. Once you walk in my shoes, THEN you can say you don't believe.

Anonymous said...

Hello,

My question is completely off the record, however, I thought someone here may know. I have been looking forever to find who sings that song "you gave me one night to remember"? It was from the very first episode "dirty laundry", the love scene with Patience and Christian Keyes. Can anyone help me out on this???? Thank you :)

Katlynne LaSalle said...

Zane, I am so disappointed! It seems you have abandoned this blog, because you haven't posted in over 3 months. Also, where is your email address so that people can send issues for you to respond to?

Meantime, my blogs are up, and I hope some of you Zane lovers will stop by mydownlowlife.blogspot.com and mydownlowlife3.blogspot.com. Check out my book at https://www.createspace/3406184, I am bringing the heat, and hoping Zane notices!!

Katlynne LaSalle said...

Hello Zane, love your books. I am a huge fan!!

Hello Zane followers, my books are available at AMAZON.COM now! If you love Zane books, you will love my novel! Zane with a twist--sexy and romantic.

Please buy it and post comments here--help me get Zane's attention, because I want her to publish my future work! Thank you!

Same book with two different titles and covers: "Life on the Low: Creepin' With Hip Hop at http://www.amazon.com/Life-Low-creepin-hip-hop/dp/1449564356/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258570123&sr=1-1

and

Her Husband Made Her Do Him http://www.amazon.com/Her-Husband-Made-Do-Him/dp/1449549101/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258570962&sr=1-1

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