Why Do Some Women Marry Gay Men?

Dear Zane,

I have been a fan of yours ever since I read Skyscraper. That book was off the chain. Anyway, I wanted to ask your opinion about something. I am a 24 year black gay man, but something often baffled me. Why is it that some women marry men that they know are gay? Even when they see the obvious signs? They know their man is going to go to sleep with other men again but they subject themselves to it. It's not fair to them to do that, but why do women do it?

Signed,
Confused as Hell


Dear Confused as Hell,

That is a very good question and I wish that I had an answer. I have never met a woman who knowingly married a gay man, so I have no one to ask. However, I do know that it happens all the time. The only thing that I can think of is that some women are so desperate to be loved that they would rather have a piece of a man than no man at all. This is similar to women who marry men that they know will cheat with other women.

We spend a good part of our lives hoping and praying that someone dear to us will change their ways. They do not realize that you cannot change someone who does not want to change themselves. Over the generations, people have brushed much under the rug in marriages and not just homosexuality. There are women who stay with men that they know are molesting the children—either their stepchildren or biological children. There are women who stay with men who beat their asses on a daily basis. There are women who marry the men who raped them. There are women who marry men that they know only want them for their money and all of these can be reversed to the male perspective as well.

So I am sure there are those women who marry gay men and there are also men who marry women who are lesbians but love can be a truly powerful thing. It can make you turn a deaf ear to so much. The saying the "love is blind" holds true for a lot of people.

Blessings,
Zane