Ready to Give Up on Love in a Day

Dear Zane,

I've known this guy for about 10 years. I met him in college. I was a sophomore and he was a senior on his way to play major league baseball. While we dated shortly, he displayed a genuine interest in me but could not pursue the idea because he was on his way to training camp. So for about 5 years, we lost contact and I searched for him. We kept in contact for about a year but lost contact again when he got injured. I work at the college he used to attend so last year, at homecoming, I spotted him and it was like all those feelings came rushing back.

So I took him home and let him let loose all the sexual frustration he has built up over the years. From there, I got the impression that he just was in it for the sex so I took a step back. He would always call and ask if I would come visit him, and I would tell him no because I didn't want a sexual relationship. I would see him periodically after that, when he would come into town, but I refused to sleep with him and he never made a big deal but was still excited to see me. Last weekend, he came down and we hung out , then we has the best sex I have ever had in my life. I finally met a guy who has a sex drive that matches mine.

So afterwards, I made the comment that I wanted him and he responded that I always had him but just didn't want him. We talked and he was talking about we could make a relationship work between us because he lives an hour away and that because of my busy schedule, he had no problems with doing all the traveling. I said that I didn't want a sexual relationship and he agreed. So for about a day I actually thought I was in a relationship but I didn't feel as happy as I thought I should. I asked him if we were together. His response to me was let’s take it slow to see if this is what we really want. What the #$%^ does that mean? I mean every time a man says that to me, it ends up meaning they just wanted sex and to keep me giving it up, they say let’s take things slow. So is he in it for the booty or does he really mean let’s go slow so we will have something real?

Signed,
Confused woman

Dear Confused Woman,

What is wrong with taking it slow? Granted, you have known this man for a long time but this is the first time that you both seem to be on the same page. If a man tells you that he has always been yours but you did not want him and then makes a commitment to do the traveling to spend time with you, you should take advantage of that. The sex is great, you have been feeling him for a long time and now, he is ready to see what happens. You cannot expect a man to totally obligate himself in one day. He came to town, you slept together, he did not cut and run, and he wants to see what develops. I do not believe it is all about sex and I do not even know him.
Now you and I both know that you have written me before to complain that it is hard for you to find a man who does not want to just fuck. I think part of the issue is within you because he seems like a good man. Good men need sex, too. You may have turned away some other good men because you feel like they should be ready to make a lifetime commitment immediately.

Rome was not built in a day and I would rather have a man take it slow with me and develop true feelings than to lie to appease me. Quick love tends to end quickly. Here is a chance for you to have what you have always craved. Do not turn this man away by making a ton of assumptions. Judge him by his actions. Now if he does not continue to come see you, communicate with you, and stay true to his word, then you will no. One day is not enough time to even speculate on that. Give the man a chance.

Blessings,
Zane