Sunday, December 28, 2008

When You Suspect Your Man Is An Undercover Brother

The below advice question brings up a valid discussion. Do you believe that you should judge your mate by the company they keep? If your man has a gay friend, does that make him suspect? If your woman has a lesbian friend, does that mean she might be bumping coochies behind your back? If your man’s best friend is the biggest pitbull/manwhore on the planet, do you think your man might be similar in nature?

Dear Zane,

I need advice on my current relationship. I have been dating this man for close to a year now, and things have been great. This comes from a woman who is used to being with doggish men, thugs, men who lack ambition, those who cheat, are physically and mentally abusive, and are insecure. To sum it all up, I have been with just about every kind of bad guy out there.
Anyway, this new guy I'm dating, he's the total opposite. He's so sweet and understanding. Compliments me all the time, spoils me, and isn't the least bit insecure. I'm used to being with men who get jealous about the stupidest things, but this man trusts me and wants me to dress sexy every now and then. He's a great lover, has no kids, but seems like he would be the greatest father, husband, and provider. He's so respectful and treats me like a queen. He treats me so good that I'm almost uncomfortable! I feel like God has answered my prayers, because I've been hopeless for so long.

The problem is, I'm afraid he may be an undercover brother. No, he doesn't act feminine. No, he doesn't really do anything "gay," but I'm somewhat bisexual and once upon a time have lived a "gay" lifestyle. I've been around so many lesbians and gay men that my gay radar is on point. He knows that I used to like women and doesn't have a problem with that, but knows that I no longer desire to live that lifestyle.

What makes me think he may be undercover is the fact that one of his friends has feminine tendencies, and I'm not used to straight men hanging around "suspect" men. My boyfriend's friend is very nice to me, though; doesn't act jealous about our relationship and encourages me to invite my female friends out so we can double date. Of course my friends aren't interested, but you get what I'm saying. Am I wrong for suspecting that my boyfriend may be undercover because his friend has feminine tendencies? I'm so tired of dealing with these no-good men, and now that I've finally found one I like, who goes through great lengths to make me happy, I'm soooo scared that he may be something I wouldn't want to deal with. Help!

Suspect My Man is An Undercover Brother

Dear Suspect My Man is An Undercover Brother,

This is actually a very good question and one that I have not run across before in more than ten years of giving advice. They do say that birds of a feather flock together and I have often been asked if a woman is dating a man who is roommates with a manwhore, does that mean their man is a whore too. This is a bit different.

If your only reason for suspecting that your man might be bisexual is because he has a feminine acting friend, I would not call that a legitimate reason to suspect anything. I have no idea who long they have been friends but if it has been a long time, he may have become friends with him before any of that came into play. i.e., if they grew up together. You would not want him to disown or not befriend someone because of their sexual orientation; especially since you used to be with women.

The confusion comes in with him going out on double dates with your friends. To be honest, I know a lot of feminine acting men that I would have to catch with their dicks rammed up another man’s ass to believe they are gay. Some men are very metrosexual and they are mistaken for being gay. Now if your gay radar is working overtime and this is your man, then no one spends more time with him than you. I really do not know what to tell you but will be interested in what others have to say.



What Women Want said...

Do you know much about his past??? How about the other company that he keeps... are there a lot of gay, bi or undercover feminine dudes in his circle??

You may also have a point if you learn that there are rumors circulating about his sexual orientation...

If I were you, i would just go with my gut... there is nothing like women's intuition... Because if he's undercover, he will NEVER tell you and will take it to the grave if possible. This is what I would do. If you continue to have a sneaking suspicion about it and there are more "red flags" that go up... don't wait to walk in on him ramming is thangalang inside of some other guy's dude, just drop him. At the very least you guys can be friends.


Anonymous said...

He could be gay. Because of the feminine friend and you just suspect it. Yup, I think that in itself is enough. I don't know many straight men that have feminine friends and the reason why it's so hard for women to detect undercover men is because they act manly, meaning not feminine.

Anger toward homosexuals usually raises my suspicion especially when it keeps happening. Like why are you so mad??

Had a guy call a homesexual "fruit-booty" and I was like what? Why are you so mad at him for being gay? He shrunk back. This is a 30 year old man.

Anonymous said...

My first love came back into my life after 10 years and at first everything was ok but then I started noticing things like he rubs and touches his butt more than he touches mine. Don't get me wrong because the sex hasn't changed and he still gets aroused by me. One day we had an argument and he didnt come home and we were barely talking for two days. When he finally came home his penis was super dry and peeling. I've asked him if was gay and he kept cool by saying stop playing me, but there has been a couple instances where he put his male friends before me to play the game and once again he has a fascination with his butt. I am aware of the fact the anus is the male g spot but ive been finding myself a little jealous that he enjoys touching himself more than me. He also does a lot of unnecessary stops to his male friends houses almost daily and there has been stains inside his undies in the butt area. Who's to say it's not from him fingering....please help me..i love him

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