Should You Discuss Your Sex Life With Your Child's Other Parent

Dear Zane,

I would like to know your opinion on my situation with my son's father. Ok, he and I are not together. We are just friends so in my mind I am over him and he is over me. We had a conversation that ended in a heated argument; we were talking about sex and stuff, so I was pretty open with him.

He had asked me a sexual question about my daughter's father, so in my mind I am thinking he has invited me to share a sexual experience with him and so I answered it and explained to him how my daughter's father achieved my orgasm. I'm thinking we were cool like that because he took it upon himself to ask me the question. I didn't bring up my daughter's father AT ALL in our conversation. He got real angry and was saying "I WAS TRYING TO GET HIM ANGRY AND UPSET" AND HE SAID THAT HE THOUGHT I WAS PAST THAT. HE ALWAYS THINKS THAT I'M TRYING TO GET HIM UPSET. I'M LIKE IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH THEN WHY EVEN ASK ME A QUESTION LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? NOW WAS I WRONG? I WAS REAL CONFUSED. BECAUSE I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS AND THAT HE WAS OVER ME.

Yeah I might have said too much revealing information, but I thought he had wanted to hear it because he asked me the question. He said I should have just replied with a YES OR A NO. But I'm thinking, than why do you want to know in the first place? I was thinking he invited me to share a sexual experience. So since he was angry he took it upon himself to try and make me feel low down and worthless, by calling me all kinds of names. He calls himself a real man, a mature man. I don't see no kind of maturity in him, other than he is a great father and is trying to be a good father. Other than that in my eyes he is very immature, to even take it there. When he was the one who started it????? Ok he knew he was wrong, so he apologized. I told him that we were no longer friends at all. I told him the only communication we should have is about our son. Ok he accepted. Ok I start receiving nasty text messages asking me questions as if I’m some whore. He told me that I shouldn't get mad at the way he is coming at me.

He says HE KNOWS ME WELL ENOUGH AND I KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH. I told him just because YOU know me that DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT TO COME AT ME LIKE THAT. EVER SINCE WE HAD THAT HEATED ARGUMENT HE WILL NOT RESPECT ME AS A WOMAN. BUT HE CAN ONLY RESPECT ME AS A MOTHER OF HIS SON. JUST BECAUSE I AM HIS BABY'S MOTHER I HAVE TO JUST LET HIM TALK TO ME ANY WAY? I DON'T THINK SO. I AM A WOMAN, A SINGLE MOTHER OF TWO KIDS WHO DECIDED TO REMAIN CELIBATE UNITL I FIND THE RIGHT MAN FOR ME. I'M JUST FED UP WITH HIM.


Signed,
Fed Up



Dear Fed Up,

It sounds to me like your son’s father still has feelings for you and is jealous about the fact that you have a child with someone else. For him to ask you a question and then get made when you respond is typical behavior for some men. They want to know about a woman’s past but have trouble dealing with the fact that she has a past. I will also say that women are just as guilty, if not more guilty of the same type of behavior. Now he is acting foul and it may be something that he has to get over. Meanwhile, though, he should not be allowed to talk to you in any type of fashion. He has a child with you and he should not be referencing you as a whore. You were good enough for him and he probably knows about your celibacy. I do not know of any celibate whores.

Most of us crave to continue to at least be friends with our exes. After all, at some point, they were a significant part of our lives. In your case, it is not an option because you must show a united front for your child. I would continue to co-parent with him but keep your distance outside of that. I have a feeling that he will come to his senses and get over his pain.

Blessings,
Zane