When Your Lesbian Lover Cannot Stay Away From Another Woman

Dear Zane,

I love your work. It is wonderful and a lot of your books tell my entire life but that is not the reason that I am sending you this message. To the point, I am a 31-year-old woman with three kids and I am separated from my husband of ten years. I am also a lesbian. I had been into women for years but have now decided that I prefer being with them instead of men. I have a lover, which is one of the reasons that my husband and I are not together. I love her dearly but she has this ex-girlfriend that will not go away. She cheated on me once before with this woman and I took her back. She cheated again with this same woman for the past ten months. I have been dealing with it and every time she cheats, I always take her back. Now, a couple of days ago, the woman called me and told me that she was messing with her again. Zane, I can’t take any more but I really love this woman. I put her out of my apartment and now I am thinking of taking her back again. What in the hell is wrong with me? Please help.

Signed,
In Love

Dear In Love,

There is nothing wrong with you, other than having real feelings and hoping for the best. Millions of people do that every day and it is a natural emotion. However, while you may love this woman, this woman does not love you enough to stay away from her “poison.” For some reason she has a connection with the woman she is cheating with and anyone who cheats three times with the same person is not going to stop, particularly when you keep forgiving her. If you allow her back into your life, you will definitely get more of the same. You need to protect yourself. More importantly you need to protect the emotional welfare of your children. Here they are dealing with a divorce and now you have this woman coming in and out of their personal space, making it even more difficult to deal with. You need to be by yourself and make your life about your kids and assuring their stability. It will be hard, especially since she is part of the reason for your divorce, but the thing between you is not meant to be. Maybe she was placed into your life to be a catalyst for you to move on from your marriage and realize that you are a lesbian. However, do not allow her to be a catalyst for your demise.

Blessings,
Zane