Should a Man Have to Lie About His Feelings

This was a very interesting advice email to me because this young man has come to the conclusion that he does not want to lie about his feelings, in order to get a woman. I think a lot of older men could stand to take a lesson from him. Zane

Dear Zane,

I’m young but I know what the meaning of love is, and I’m sick of every woman that I’m in a relationship with throwing that word around like it doesn't have any meaning to them. If they only knew how awkward it felt to hear that and not feel the same way. Now if this only happened a handful of times I would just brush it off, but this has happened frequently. I know that I’m a loveable person but dang!!! I mean it’s gotten so bad that the last three women I have been with have said it in under 2 months. How can u form extreme feelings for a person so quickly?? This causes me to push away from the relationship and often sabotage them. For this reason I don’t really enjoy being in relationships anymore.

Once I even tried explaining to the girl that my feelings toward her haven’t yet escalated that high and it seemed like she understood and even told me that she was okay, but she continued to tell me. She also began to get mad when I wouldn’t say anything back or change the subject WTF!! does she want me to do?? Eventually I had to lie about my feelings for her, and of course she went BALISTIC when I I lost interest in the relationship, so I severed ties with her. My cousin spoke with her a few weeks ago and she said if she sees me walking down the street she’s going to grab me throw me on her couch rape me and brake my @#!$ off WTF!!!!! (Imagine my expression -_-).

I have only been in love once before and I know what it feels like it takes a real bond, connection, and trust to love someone and this takes more than a few months. On top of that someone in love is not willing to let that person slip through their hands so easily.So I guess what I’m trying to get at is my real problem is, what do I do in these situations that women leave me in? Is there some way to tell a woman I don’t love you but don’t get crazy about it? Can I get some help here this is starting to @#$! me off!!!

Signed
THE Love I want is real

Dear The Love I Want Is Real,

Even though you are only 18, you are miles ahead of a lot of older men who insist on lying and claiming to have feelings that they do not have. I appreciate your honestly and the young ladies you are involved with should appreciate it as well. I will not tell someone that I love him if I do not, even if he says it. That is misleading and only leads to deeper issues down the road.

A lot of women equate sex with love and it does not change for some of them, even as they get older. These young ladies probably do feel like they are in love with you because they do not understand it. You should not begin to lie to them to appease them so hold your ground. Tell them you like them, if it is true, but that love takes time to develop and it may or may not even happen. That is not in your hands or hers; we cannot control who we fall in love with.

If you tell a woman that and she goes crazy about it, she is immature. They should be grateful that you are an honest man and not just saying whatever to get their sex. Hold your ground and it will all be okay.

Blessings,
Zane