Falling for a Friend

Hey Zane,

I hope this finds you in good spirits. Also, I am very proud of you and all that you have accomplished. But like a lot of other people, I need some advice from you. There is a very nice, attractive young man that I have been spending a great deal of my time with and I'm confused about what is happening so I thought I'd get your take on this whole thing.Okay, so he and I go to the same university. We met in one of our classes and then, when I went to my class immediately after that one, he was in my other class too. We chatted for a little bit and decided to become "study buddies" but that quickly turned into a wonderful friendship. And now when we "study" we usually get off topic here and there and talk about other stuff. One night both of us even cried when talking about our pasts and our families! Every time we hang out we spend anywhere from 8-11 hours together, and we have yet to get sick of each other.

We have never crossed that boundary line of friendship, but I am definitely attracted to him. And not only that, but I have met all of his roommates, his brother, and he says that he's even told some of his other family members and friends from back home about me. And he's met all of my friends and even my mom when she came down to visit me a few weeks ago. We hang out at least 2-3 days out of every week and now it's starting to be outside of campus and outside of studying. And we at least text/call each other every day...we even talked a few times over Thanksgiving break.Earlier today when we were talking, he told me that I am in a category of my own and that there is no one that he's ever met like me. He also told me that he doesn't see me like a girl friend that’s like one of the guys.

So my questions are...do you think he feels the same way about me that I feel about him? And should I just remain his friend and leave things how they are, or try to pursue something more? While he is a wonderful friend, and I would never want to ruin a friendship, he is everything I have ever dreamed of in a man and I am growing more attached to him every day. But he is that kind of guy that is friends with basically all his ex's because he is such a good person. And we've discussed it and the race factor is non-existent for us because I am black and he is white. But what do you and your readers think I should do?

Sincerely,
Falling for my friend


Dear Falling for My Friend,

I would take things slowly and see what happens. People amaze me when they think that being friends with someone before becoming lovers is a problem. That just shows how backwards today’s society is because your lover is supposed to be your “best friend.” Your lover is supposed to be the person that you feel like you can tell anything to, do anything with, and rely on in every situation. If that is not the definition of friendship, then what is?

While there are no guarantees that things can work out between you and this young man, life never offers guarantees other than every day being an opportunity to be productive and accomplish something. If things do not work out, then you already know that he will remain your friend, based on the fact that he has remained cool with other women from his past. Unless you feel like that could cause some issues for you, as far as being jealous, I do not see anything wrong with letting nature take its course.

Blessings,
Zane