Tuesday, July 14, 2009

When Your Love Life Sucks

Dear Zane,

I have a huge problem. I will have been married for fifteen years this December and my love life sucks. I cannot even remember the last time that I had sex. I am thirty-seven years old and my husband is thirty-nine. He is in the Marines and we are stationed in Japan. Our sex life has been going downhill for the past five years. I love my husband dearly and will do anything for him and he feels the same way about me. I know that he has high blood pressure and is on a lot of medication, and his penis will not stay hard. He spoke with his doctor about this and they gave him something. It did not work and they went changed it when he went back. It did make the blood pressure change but now he will not go back to the doctor, or even talk about it.

He has been to Iraq three times so I do not want to pressure him or make him do something he does not want to. But I am getting tired of the vibrator and pleasing myself. I have tried sexy lingerie, told him that I would suck his dick, or we can watch sex tapes. I have told him that I would try anything he wants. So what am I to do? I told him that I would go to the doctor with him. I have even made an appointment but he cancelled it. We sleep in the same bed together every night and he does not even touch me. Please help. I am so sick and tired.

Love Life Sucks

Dear Love Life Sucks,

I wish that I could give you a positive outlook on this situation. The truth of the matter is that I know several women personally going through this very thing. One of their husbands had a stroke and was put on heavy medication for his blood pressure and has not been able to get hard since. Another woman’s husband can manage every once and a blue moon but the sex does not last but a hot minute before he loses his erection. The problem with Viagra and such drugs are that they are “enhancers” and only help to sustain an erection once it is achieved.

By no means am I a medical doctor but your husband really needs to see someone. You need to have a candid discussion with him, even if he does not want to discuss it. He has to discuss it because fifteen years ago he took marriage vows and marriage includes being willing to openly communicate. He needs to go to a specialist and not his regular doctor. I am confident—not positive but confident—that something exists to assist him. This problem is way too common and there should be a solution. Meanwhile, he should be open to doing things that please you. There is nothing wrong with his tongue, right? He should realize and address your needs. You have followed him all the way to Japan; that is serious love. He needs to appreciate that and do whatever it takes to find a solution. I am sure that he is frustrated, possibly even depressed, but he has to man up and be your husband. The two of you are not even forty yet. You cannot continue on this path for decades.



Anonymous said...

I am in a similar situation, except the time I have been married is significantly shorter. My wife says she wants to do it more, but we never do. I try to tell how how sexy she is to me and touch her lovingly, but nothing ever results from it.

Anonymous said...

I am in the very same situation.My husband is very loving and a great father but we don't have intercourse anymore. Maybe 3 times a year he will perform oral but that is just not enough. Its awful to hear about my friends sex life and mine is completely dead.He is embarrassed to talk to his doctor. I have been so close to taking a lover so many times! I just don't knowwhat to do anymore but its comforting to hear that I am not the only one with this issue.