I have been following your books since I was nineteen. Now I am twenty-five and I am even more infatuated with your work. I am engaged to be married in December of this year. My fiancé and I have been living together for three months. I have always heard that you do not know a person fully until you live with them. One night, we were playing with some sex dice. It was his roll and the dice landed on “lick my ass.” He did the unthinkable. He laid on his back and wanted me to lick his asshole.
I did not know if I should do it or run the other way. Do not get me wrong; I am a freak, but I think he has gay tendencies. I asked him about it; he told me that he had been molested as a child. My question is: am I tripping because my future husband is freakier than I can handle? Or is this something I should keep an eye on?
Not So Sure
Dear Not So Sure,
I am not sure that you are so much concerned about your future husband being freaky as you are about him possibly being gay. Wanting to have your asshole licked, particularly during a game that calls for that very thing, is not all that suspicious. Let’s face it, it was not like he was the one that was going to have to do the licking, the dice had spoken, and he was simply complying. I remember when we used to play Truth or Dare when I was younger and the bottom line was this; either you did the dare or you lost. The prostate being played with is a great turn on for men, both straight and gay. That is not a defining act.
However, what worries me is his response that he was molested as a child. Not only might he be bisexual and eventually cheat on you with another man, he also might get caught up in a vicious cycle and become a sexual predator himself. If he was abused by a male family member, somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he might equate those actions with love. Since you are getting married, I assume that you plan on having children. You need to think about long-term repercussions.
Between now and December, I would get some serious pre-marital counseling and possibly even have him seek therapy on his own. Before you react though, ask him more details about his molestation and try to gauge how much it has affected him. I see this as a much more serious matter than who is the freakier one.
I am not trying to scare you but I assume that you emailed me wanting my candid opinion. Too many people avoid and ignore warning signs early on in a relationship. In less than three months of living together, I am sure that you have learned a lot. While many people object to living together before marriage, I believe it is essential. Until you cohabitate and settle into a degree of “normalcy,” you never know what you are truly getting yourself into. Do not brush this off lightly. Everything happens for a reason, and so did those dice landing on “lick my ass.”