Tuesday, June 16, 2009

He Was Coming Back for Dinner and You Haven't Seen His Ass Since

Dear Zane,

I have a situation on my hands and I cannot take care of it. My sister’s boyfriend’s brother wanted to start a relationship with me. He cares about me; he loves me very much. He’s an older man, has three kids, and two troubling baby mommas. He told me not to worry about them; that they would not start any drama. One of the baby mommas found out about me and got jealous. One weekend, we made plans to go out and he got locked up. She lied and pressed charges, claiming that he hit her. Because of her, he spent forty-eight hours in jail. I got upset; I thought it was shady and wrong. A couple of weeks later, he was leaving town for a job interview. Somehow, his baby’s momma found out and set him up. Once again, he was in jail but this time, he was held on a $400,000 bond. She sent me a text and told me that I would not be getting anymore of his loving, or money. I told her that she would not either. You have kids and he cannot take care of them since you cannot let go of the past. He posted bail—his mother helped him out—and the day after, he came to see me and we chilled for a while. My sister and I planned to make dinner for him and he told me that he was coming back. Since that day, I have not heard from or seen him. I have moved on with my life, found someone new, but everyone thinks that I am wrong for that. I do not think so. Can you help me?

What to Do

Dear What to Do,

The first thing you should do is thank God for removing that man from your life; seriously. He is what I call the perpetual victim. Everything is someone else’s fault. If they gave him a bail of close to half a million dollars, he more than likely committed a serious felony. His baby momma’s may not have been lying about him hitting her, but last time I checked, they did not set that kind of bail for that type of act. His mother is an enabler for helping to bail him out. You are willing to believe everything that comes out of his mouth. His baby’s momma is willing to fight over a no-good man. That’s right; no good.

Darling, if he has that kind of bullshit going on in his life, you do not need to be a party to it. Taking care of his children has nothing to do with someone getting over the past. A real man takes care of his children, no matter what. He laid down with those two women, and was not responsible enough to use a condom. He fathered those children. Now you want to make it your issue. Those kids will always be his kids, and those women will always be connected to him. That is, if he is a real man.

All of that aside, the real point here is that he told you that he was coming back for dinner and played a disappearing act on your ass. He has not called. He has not seen you. That means he does not want to see you. For those telling you that you did the wrong thing by moving on, tell them to worry about themselves. You would be a damn fool to even give your decision to find someone else two seconds worth of thought. What do they expect you to do? Give up your current man and sit and wait for the trifling ass man to show up?

The next time someone approaches you with that nonsense, block it out. I commend you for deciding to find someone new. Hopefully you are making better choices, though. Women tend to be attracted to the same type of men over and over. Make wiser decisions. Love does not have to come with drama and bullshit. Life has enough of that to offer without having to deal with it at home.