Tuesday, June 16, 2009

She Needs a Second Opinion: NOT!

Dear Zane,

I love the new APF book. I have been with this guy for two years and a half-month. He says that he loves me but we never spend his days off together and we never go out. His reasoning is that he is trying to save money to open his own business. Yet, he has no problem buying $200 champagne. I have never been to his home; he claims that he lives with an uncle and that he does not want to disrespect his uncle’s house by having an overnight guest. He loves to come over to my apartment, but can never spend the night. The sex is good but not worth the drama. I dumped him after I watched a woman and a child pick him up from work. I called him right as he was getting into the car but he did not answer. When I questioned him about it, he claimed that it was his cousin. I was really falling for him but the bullshit, not so much. He claims that I have been hurt in the past and that I am looking for every reason to break up. Since you have always been on point with your advice, I wanted to hear your outtake on this issue.

Need a Second Opinion

Dear Need a Second Opinion,

You do not really need my opinion; you need me to cosign on what you already know deep down in your heart. That was his woman, and more than likely his child, in that car. He was going home with them to have dinner in their home. There might be an uncle but he does not live with him. Overnight guests prohibited or not, in two years he could have invited you over to watch a movie, eat dinner, meet the invisible uncle, or sit on the front damn porch and watch cars drive by.
You have already fallen for him, totally, and his bullshit, despite what you say. You have allowed this travesty to continue for more than two years. He comes over to your apartment, lies up with you like you are his personal hooker, purchases you expensive champagne to get into your drawers, and then rolls out. He spends his days off with his woman and child. He takes his woman and child out. He is not trying to be seen with you because it is too risky. If you take one more phone call from him, you have no one to blame but yourself. Do not worry about getting closure. Just close your legs. There is no need to have some conversation where he tries to make it seem like you are being delusional. The writing on the wall could not be clearer. You are his piece of ass on the side. Pure and simple. The only question now is, what are you prepared to do about it?