Zane, I love your books and the advice you give. You are honest and straight up. I've been dating a married man for the past 1 1/2 years. In the beginning the sex was incredible. He hadn't been with a white woman before and was somewhat inexperienced in trying new things...anal sex, public sex, etc. and we explored all these areas. It was hot! He moved out from his wife 6 months ago and a couple months back I got a new job and moved 2 hours away. At first we were talking about moving together but that didn't work out. He hasn't gotten separated and hasn't told his family about me. I understand it and don't at the same time. Lately the sex between us is horrible. I've started talking to old boyfriends, masturbating, watching porn and looking at singles ads. I don't want to creep but my needs aren't being met in this relationship and I don't really feel like he is committed either since he hasn't taken any steps for us to be together since moving out. The last couple times we were together I couldn't even cum. I do love him and have tried to talk to him about this. We got in a big argument and I threatened to leave him if he couldn't make more time for me and work on a future for us. Since then nothing has changed and I'm not aroused by him anymore. Do I need to leave or just start creeping till something changes?
Waiting on A MAN
Dear Waiting on a Man,
Since you realize that I am honest and straight forward, that is exactly what I will be with you. Getting involved with a married man is practically the kiss of death to any real relationship. Any man that would take up with another woman while he is committed to another, cannot be expected to do an about face because of great sex. He probably never respected you. How could he when you did not respect yourself?
Just because he moved out from his wife means nothing. As you said, he has not even told his family about you so how important can you be to him? You may have turned him on to some new sexual acts but if he has not even made a move to become legally separated, and is not trying to move in with you, he could not be clearer with his intentions. A lot of times women find sex to be incredible when they are fucking another woman’s man but once he becomes exclusively hers, the thrill is gone. That is probably the case with you. The challenge is gone and you were apparently never a challenge to him.
I doubt that anything will change, now that things have taken a turn for the worse. Chances are that he is not trying to leave one committed relationship and enter another one, because if he was capable of being a one woman man, he would have already been one with his wife. What I think you need to do is a good self-evaluation about who you are and what you expect from a relationship. Next time, tell the married men to kick rocks and deal only with available men. Carry yourself with respect and then you will get it. I understand that you love him and it is ultimately your choice to keep dealing with him but change is probably not going to come. In this case, it doesn’t look like you’ll be coming either.