Monday, January 12, 2009

When Your Man Begs the Other Woman to Stay

Dear Zane,

I am 25 yrs old, and an educated beautiful black woman. I have been with my man for 7yrs. I love him so much; however, I have caught him cheating several times. The last time I caught him with her and he begged her not to go and completely dismissed me. The next day he said he was sorry and we spent the holidays together like we were okay. However I am still very hurt, it has destroyed my self esteem. I am not close to my family, and I feel I have no one but him. I love him but I know I don't need him. How do I get past this? Every day I think about it I get sick and just want to die. I've never imagined life without him. He is coping very well, and I am the one losing sleep. Please help me.

It’s bigger than him cheating; it has destroyed my self-worth.

Please Help

Dear Please Help,

You are literally sacrificing your life for someone else’s happiness. You and your man are in a toxic relationship. He cannot be allowed to have a limitless stack of “get out of jail free” cards. He is a consummate cheater and has no respect for you, or probably even for himself. He has not gotten to the point that men need to reach in order to keep their dicks in their pants. He has not figured out that he is the type of man that should disgust even him.

He is with you probably for the same reasons you are with him; for convenience. He is a comfort zone for you and vice versa; yet there are constant lies and betrayal on his behalf. I understand not being close to your family but you are still entitled to have a life. It will probably be the hardest thing that you have ever done, walking away from him, but if you do not, he will continue to suck the life right out of you—intentionally or unintentionally. He is obviously not willing to change, or he would have already. For him to beg another woman to stay, after being with you for seven years, had to be heart-breaking. I wish you nothing but the best but victory begins with yourself and your own actions. I would hate to see you wake up ten years from now feeling the same way. You are still young and you have a chance to be happy. Take it.



Anonymous said...

How do I go about contacting you for advice?

Anonymous said...

Why do women settle for such garbage? Obviously, this man is lacking the self esteem you allowed him to take from you. Two peas in the pod, take control of your life back and live it without him.

Str8 No Chaser said...

So agreed upon Zane. Great advice. Sisterfriend, you need to start loving you a little more. And the best place to start is by letting go of things that bring you nothing but pain. He happens to be one of those things. The sooner you let go, the sooner you can get back to the business of living your life...happy.

When you know better, it is required that you do better.

Many blessings

Bombchell said...

(sigh) how sad, i feel for her.

she needs to try to see the value in her that she's forgotten, build her on life, and realize her self worth.

do new stuff to fill her time, volunteer, join a group, make new friends etc.

best wishes to her, great advice zane.