I am 25 yrs old, and an educated beautiful black woman. I have been with my man for 7yrs. I love him so much; however, I have caught him cheating several times. The last time I caught him with her and he begged her not to go and completely dismissed me. The next day he said he was sorry and we spent the holidays together like we were okay. However I am still very hurt, it has destroyed my self esteem. I am not close to my family, and I feel I have no one but him. I love him but I know I don't need him. How do I get past this? Every day I think about it I get sick and just want to die. I've never imagined life without him. He is coping very well, and I am the one losing sleep. Please help me.
It’s bigger than him cheating; it has destroyed my self-worth.
Dear Please Help,
You are literally sacrificing your life for someone else’s happiness. You and your man are in a toxic relationship. He cannot be allowed to have a limitless stack of “get out of jail free” cards. He is a consummate cheater and has no respect for you, or probably even for himself. He has not gotten to the point that men need to reach in order to keep their dicks in their pants. He has not figured out that he is the type of man that should disgust even him.
He is with you probably for the same reasons you are with him; for convenience. He is a comfort zone for you and vice versa; yet there are constant lies and betrayal on his behalf. I understand not being close to your family but you are still entitled to have a life. It will probably be the hardest thing that you have ever done, walking away from him, but if you do not, he will continue to suck the life right out of you—intentionally or unintentionally. He is obviously not willing to change, or he would have already. For him to beg another woman to stay, after being with you for seven years, had to be heart-breaking. I wish you nothing but the best but victory begins with yourself and your own actions. I would hate to see you wake up ten years from now feeling the same way. You are still young and you have a chance to be happy. Take it.