When You Fall In Love With a Friend

Dear Zane,

I need some advice from you. Hopefully, you can help me out. I am in love with a friend. We've known each other for about three years now. We practically know each other's life stories. I've met her mother, sisters, aunt, grandmother and some of her friends. She has met the majority of my family and some of my friends as well. We've never been intimate.

I've expressed my feelings towards her and she told me that she loved me. We've visited each other in the hospital. (She was injured on the job and I had pneumonia). She even got into an argument with my ex-girlfriend over the phone regarding me. However, she always introduces me as her friend. I asked her about a potential relationship. She said that she had been hurt in the past and said that she had trust issues. She wants to remain single and just date right now.

Is this her way of saying that she's not interested in me or is she just not ready for a relationship? I would like to thank you for helping me with this matter. I will be anxiously awaiting your response.

Signed,
Wanting to Be in the Know

Dear Wanting to Be in the Know,

There could be various reasons why she is saying that. First off, she may be completely honest in stating that she is not ready for a relationship. I have been there many times myself. It takes a wise man or woman to realize that they are not in a good enough place to involve someone else in their lives. We all have to take time to heal from the past but most people do not; they jump from relationship to relationship when they are not relationship material.

It could also be that she does not have romantic feelings toward you and only wants to remain friends but cannot bring herself to tell you the truth. Either way, you have to respect her wishes. If she comes to a place where she feels that something can happen between you, then she will tell you. Unless that happens, you have to accept her decisions. You two did not meet under the understanding that a relationship was trying to blossom so there cannot be an automatic shift in the scenario without two willing parties.

Blessings,
Zane