Monday, January 12, 2009

Baby Father Drama

Dear Zane,

I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months but we've known each other for about 6 years. To make a long story short, we went together, I moved in because my mother kicked me out (Not because I was with him) and now I am back at my mother's house because he did not want to deal with my "attitude." I guess he didn't like the fact that I would stick up for myself if I did not want to do everything he wanted me to do.

Well, now a couple weeks after moving out, I find out I am 2 months pregnant, by him of course. When I tell him, he is upset because he already has a son, by someone else. His baby’s mother came to me because he lied to her and said that he and I have only had sex once and it was with a condom. Now, I don't know about you but I don't know anyone who lives with their boyfriend for 3 months and only has sex once. Most of the time, when we had sex, it was unprotected, which was partially my fault.

Anyway, he told his other baby’s mother that it may not be his and that I am trying to stir up drama by talking to his other baby’s mother. Which I am not, she came to me because she felt he was lying to her and she did not know about me being pregnant. This is when I found out that she is also pregnant but at 7 months. So basically he is going to have 3 children. With him claiming that it might not be his and that he won't be around me or come to see me and all, do you think that I should allow him to give my child a middle name?

See, he is from Africa and I think that it would be hard to pronounce some of these types of names and on top of that he has been acting like a jerk since this whole thing began. I feel if he is not going to at least be around the child when it is born and then take care of it, the least he can do is give me the benefit of naming the child whatever I want. I am not keeping him away but he said "If I can’t give the baby part of its name, I won’t be there at all." I think he is being ignorant but I want my child to have an American name or something that is cute. After all, we aren't married or together anymore. What do you think I should do about this?

Signed,
Baby father drama

Dear Baby Father Drama,

Since you have known this man for six years, in some capacity, I cannot accuse you of dealing with a stranger and then getting what you get. In fact, I know many women, including myself, who got involved with men they have known their entire lives and then were in for great surprises. What you have in this case is a want to be player. He is not a real player because a real player has numerous women who are all aware of the real deal. He is playing both you and the other woman and, by refusing to practice safe sex, is building a village of kids that will grow up with an asshole as a father.

Do not blame the other woman because she is just as na├»ve as you. He has led you both to believe that you are “the one,” until now since he has gotten busted. I am sure that you did not know that he was still sleeping with the mother of his child and that she was pregnant again until all of the proverbial shit hit the fan.

He is a liar, pure and simple and if she was crazy enough to believe that he was living with you for several months and not sleeping with you, then that is on her. Maybe he was not even truthful about living with you. Who knows at this point? You need to prepare yourself for the fact that this man will probably have to be forced to pay child support and may or may not be in your child’s life. It was a mistake to have unprotected sex with him but hindsight is 20-20 and you are far from alone. Now you have to make the best of a bad situation. The main thing is not to allow him to stress you out during your pregnancy because that can have a harmful effect on the child you are carrying. I would not decide on the middle name scenario until you see what he does for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Blessings,
Zane

1 comment:

RocketGurl said...

If you knew the man for 6 years and knew that he had a child with some other woman, then you already knew of his situation. common sense should have told you that getting involved with him was a bad idea. And having unprotected sex with anyone is a bad idea. That is something you do with your husband.