Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Trying to Have Feelings

Dear Zane,

I was introduced to your books a few months ago and I must say that I am completely hooked. I think that I have a problem so let’s see how you can best advise me. I am 30 and I have a 3-year-old. Her father and I are living together but he works on a cruise ship and he is away for 7-8 months a year. I am not feeling the same way about him as he does me. When he is away, I do not miss him at all. He is a great person and he takes care of us in every way but I do not think that I am in love with him. I want this to work between us so please tell me what to do. I forgot to tell you. I think that I am still in love with my ex but that is a long story so let’s see how this goes first.

Signed,
Trying to Have Feelings

Dear Trying to Have Feelings,

Here is the problem. You cannot separate the two situations and see how one goes before you tackle the other one. We cannot control our feelings, no matter how hard we try. You have stronger feelings for your ex than your current man and that may or may not change. Knowing nothing about your past situation, I cannot speculate on that other than it is obvious that things did not work out. It is very difficult to rekindle something that has ended and if you do, it is even harder to ensure that what went wrong the first time will not go wrong again in the future.

I have a lot of friends who have mates that travel for work a lot and most of them are stressed out when their men are home. They are so used to being “free” and hanging out with others and not being tied down in the physical sense that when they are together, it seems stifling. Realizing that you want things to work because he is the father of your child, ask yourself one question. Would you want him to remain in a relationship with you knowing that his feelings are not sincere? If you cannot answer “yes” to that question, then you need to seriously evaluate things.

Parents do not have to stay together because of the kids because ultimately, if the family unit is dysfunctional, it can often cause more harm than good. They will sense your resentment toward each other, they will sense the lack of emotion, and they will grow up believing that is what love is all about.

Blessings,
Zane

3 comments:

Str8 No Chaser said...

Great advice Zane

Anonymous said...

Zane yes girl i applaud you on that one.

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