Wednesday, July 11, 2012
In Love with the Wrong Man: An Advice Question
Dear Zane, There was a co-worker of mine and we worked together for a year and 4 months. She was close but not somebody I really befriended. One day I seen a friend of her walk in I noticed that we could not keep each other's eyes off of each other. He sold weed and she gave me his number we linked up on new years and he tried to get with me I told her and she spased on him, and we didnt talk again for another month. One day she told me that he can take me to the bank.. I said yes,realizing it was him when I proceded to walk to the car. I hopped in and he asked me why I would tell her, she was not his girl, he had no girl so there was no need to be worried. He began asking me about my plans for the future and asked how he could improve my life, I was turned on in a sense. He asked me did I braid and took my number down. A week later he called and asked could I braid his hair and I said yes am not turning down money for no one<3. He came over and ever since that day in febuary we have been together ever since. Every day he spends with me it began to become more than what was intended. He took me to places I've never been, If we're bored he'll say pack a bag and lets go to the tele. A lot different from the every day gangsters I deal with. However she found out beacuse my mother called her and told her that we were talking. Long story short it caused tension between us, she began harrasing and showing up to my house. We refuse to let anyone let us be apart, so even with the world coming down on us we still managed to stay as one. However there are a few problems in this partnership..he's a 24 year old man with a 4 bedroom apartment, a car and a job, but I never stay at his house anytime I suggest it he says" Am over he every night with you and plus i have a car if i dont bring you how are you going to get here?!" that makes no sense even tho I am 19 I am far from naive. That doesn't sound right. but do i have a right to nag if he is here with me every day,his clothes are in my drawer and his toothbrush is on my sink. He tells me about girls who give him money and what not..talks to them on speaker in front of me.!!However he is talking to this white girl who after 3 days gave him the car he tells me that he doesn't like white girls and he only uses her for the car, because his is in the shop. Am starting to think there is way more to the story... he was supposed to come back last night and didnt' he had her car last nite. I called him 2wice and sent a text early morning and got no reply.=[ he comes to the house today with the car. tells me that she dropped it off this morning at 6:15 and he bought her to work at 7. In my book there's no way a woman is doing all of that in the morning if he not sexin her right or wronng??if your up the early you seen my text and you don't respond..somethings weird bout that. He told me that she text him and said all this been when i asked to see the text....all of a sudden he didnt have it.???? he told me I was being imature...what do i do? # signed -we use to be lover, i dont think ill settle for just friends MY RESPONSE: Clearly, he is not truly your man and you know it. Just because he is putting on pretenses, that is no excuse to ignore the obvious. You are one of several women that he is dealing with and he is not going to stop. You need to stop before he ruins your entire life with a disease or an unwanted pregnancy. You are spending too much time analyzing his mind set when you need to analyze your own and why you would even put up with his nonsense. Darling, you are young but not stupid. If you continue with this false dream, it will come crashing down and you might never recover. I hope you listen to me.