Thursday, July 12, 2012
25 men in three months: An Advice Question
Dear Zane, I am one of your biggest fans. I recently finished your book called, Dear G Spot and I was thinking that you could give me your insight on what I am going through. I am 18 and about to turn 19, but I have recently been going through a dilemma. I am used to being in committed relationships, but I broke up with my boyfriend of three years a few months ago because he cheated and I feel like once you cheat, there is not more relationship because I will always have those trust issues with a person. Since then, I have not been myself. In public, I have always been very conservative, but in the bedroom I am always a freak and know exactly what to do to turn a man on. I recently started seeing someone and I know it is wrong because he is my college professor. He turns me on in every way, but it is killing me to keep us a secret because of all of the things that can go wrong if anyone was to ever find out. Here’s the twist, my heart is so broken over my ex, that I do not want to be committed to anyone at all. Aside from my professor telling me that he loves me and showing me in more ways than one, since my relationship ended, I have slept with 25 different men. All for one night stands, but I cant understand why I am doing this. This number is so high for me because in my lifetime before this, I have only slept with 3 people (from 13 to 18). I feel like a whore when I am alone and I think about the deeds that I have done, but I have been quick it brush it off and say that I can do what I want to do when I please. Can you help me? I need advise because I feel lost and these one night stands are not cutting it anymore. Why am I doing this to myself? Confused &HeartBroken MY RESPONSE: You need to talk to a college mental health counselor immediately, not about your relationship with your professor but about your sexual activity with so many different men. There is definitely an underlying cause for this that probably stems back to some repressed memories. Normally, when women email me stating that they are sex addicts, I do not agree. However, in your case, that is a definite possibility. Please do not allow another day to go by without seeking help, even if you call a hotline easily found on Google for people with sex addictions. It happens but thinking of yourself as a whore will not help. You are seeking something from these men that you believe is missing and that needs to be defined. You will be okay but I would also stop seeing the professor. Right now, you need to refrain from sex altogether because sleeping with so many men is putting his health in jeopardy. Please let me know what happens.