What are your thoughts? What type of signs can tell a woman if a man has it going on in bed?
Hello Zane. A little while ago I was reading your manual on how to fuck a man. In it you said there were sign on if a man is a good fuck or not. I just recently relocated to Kentucky to attend school and I was wondering if you could hook a sista up with some of those signs. They guys I have come across thus far are horrible. I need your help bad.
Signed,
The Sign Watcher
Dear the Sign Watcher:
Body language can speak volumes about a man’s bedroom skills. If a man carries himself with confidence, if he is comfortable discussing various topics—especially intimacy, if he looks you directly in your eyes when he speaks, if he touches you a lot in passing and seems affectionate, if he is a good dancer, and definitely when he is a good kisser. Take your time and get to know men well before you sleep with them. Fucking and intimacy are two different things but a creative man can mix the two up well. Check out the men in the Creative Arts like music, drama, journalism, etc. The best aphrodisiac is always the mind.
Blessings,
Zane
Monday, November 3, 2008
Hit It Again or Quit It?
Dear Zane, I have had a long distance relationship with this guy for a year now. He is seven years older than I am and was married but his wife died suddenly some years ago. I got the vibe that I should be careful of his feelings because of this and he told me he hadn't had sex since his wife. Anyway, we had sex for the first time and it was bad!!! His kisses were like a chicken pecking on me and he was so fast at everything. Even when I said slower or slow down it just was not slow enough. He kept telling me how "good and hard" he was going to give it to me, but when I got it, I was turned off. I told him what I liked but it was like he wasn't listening. I like him but I am not sure I can deal with having sex with him. Should I tell him I think we should just be friends?
Signed,
Hit It Again or Quit It?
Dear Hit It Again or Quit It,
Yes, you need to leave well enough alone and be friends. You cannot be his sex therapist and if it was that bad, vast improvement will not come your way. Since it was a long distance thing anyway, still talk on the phone, make sure he is okay, be concerned about him but search for a man closer to home who can fulfill your needs. He is either not ready or simply ill-prepared and life is too short to make such a great compromise. The fact that he bragged about how he was going to break you off and then came up short—literally—leads me to believe that he honestly perceived that he accomplished something. What was satisfactory to his wife of many years may not measure up to your expectations. Be friends and leave it at that.
Blessings,
Zane
Signed,
Hit It Again or Quit It?
Dear Hit It Again or Quit It,
Yes, you need to leave well enough alone and be friends. You cannot be his sex therapist and if it was that bad, vast improvement will not come your way. Since it was a long distance thing anyway, still talk on the phone, make sure he is okay, be concerned about him but search for a man closer to home who can fulfill your needs. He is either not ready or simply ill-prepared and life is too short to make such a great compromise. The fact that he bragged about how he was going to break you off and then came up short—literally—leads me to believe that he honestly perceived that he accomplished something. What was satisfactory to his wife of many years may not measure up to your expectations. Be friends and leave it at that.
Blessings,
Zane
Too Tight to Get It Right
Dear Zane,
I do love your books. I just started reading them and I see that I was missing out on quite a lot. I have a question for you and need your help. I am a young virgin at eighteen and I found this dude who I really like. We have been seeing each other for about a year and we had not slept together so one night we decided to get a hotel and spend a day or two in the mix. We were in the mood and everything was a go, but when he went in, he could only make it halfway. The next day we did it again and he could only make it halfway again. I think it is because I am too tight. He is a big boy, let me tell you, but do you have any advice on how to loosen up. Thanks for the help.
Signed,
Too Tight to Get It Right
Dear Too Tight to Get It Right,
Believe it or not, this is not uncommon and I experienced the same problem for several years. Looking back I am glad that I was forced to wait because he could not get it in. Honestly over the years, I have come to the conclusion that women who are not emotionally prepared for the act have this issue. If you love this young man, and I encourage you to love him first, then you should go the extra mile and see a physician regarding the problem. I know that may seem embarrassing but you need to be comfortable discussing your body anyway—especially with a doctor. You can use lubricant and I am sure you are using condoms, right? If you really want to do this, try it again but use plenty of lubricant and take your time, and most importantly, relax your mind.
Blessings,
Zane
I do love your books. I just started reading them and I see that I was missing out on quite a lot. I have a question for you and need your help. I am a young virgin at eighteen and I found this dude who I really like. We have been seeing each other for about a year and we had not slept together so one night we decided to get a hotel and spend a day or two in the mix. We were in the mood and everything was a go, but when he went in, he could only make it halfway. The next day we did it again and he could only make it halfway again. I think it is because I am too tight. He is a big boy, let me tell you, but do you have any advice on how to loosen up. Thanks for the help.
Signed,
Too Tight to Get It Right
Dear Too Tight to Get It Right,
Believe it or not, this is not uncommon and I experienced the same problem for several years. Looking back I am glad that I was forced to wait because he could not get it in. Honestly over the years, I have come to the conclusion that women who are not emotionally prepared for the act have this issue. If you love this young man, and I encourage you to love him first, then you should go the extra mile and see a physician regarding the problem. I know that may seem embarrassing but you need to be comfortable discussing your body anyway—especially with a doctor. You can use lubricant and I am sure you are using condoms, right? If you really want to do this, try it again but use plenty of lubricant and take your time, and most importantly, relax your mind.
Blessings,
Zane
Is Another Man Ever the Answer?
Dear Zane,
First let me say that I LOVE your books. I wish I were more like you with your sexuality, open and free. Here's my issue....My husband and I have been married for 6 years but we've been together for 16, since we were 14. We have 3 adorable children together and he is a great father and provider but our sex life is like wet bread, soggy and of no use. My sex drive is so low, I hardly ever desire to do it. I get horny about twice a month but at that time he acts disinterested so it goes away. We have sex maybe once or twice a month and it is the same old routine...He kisses me, sucks my titties for a minute or two (which is fine by me because nipple stimulation does nothing for me, it's actually irritating), tries to enter me, then determines it's not wet enough, then goes down on me. I have a clitoral orgasm, he gets up, fucks me real quick, and it’s over. The whole time I'm faking as if it's good when in the back of my mind I'm saying, "Will you hurry the fuck up?"
I am so bored that I really am considering finding someone else to sex me. I have been with 2 others but only briefly and I feel like I' missing out on something more. We have in the past done just about everything you have suggested in your manual, How to Fuck a Man, but none of that works anymore. Every now and then we try something new but it does absolutely nothing for me. He pretends to be happy with the way things are, when he does get some, but I know he can't be if I'm not. I think most of my problem is the fact that he cheated on me a couple of years ago and I haven't trusted him since. I know I should have let his ass go but I didn't because I do love him and felt that things could work. If our sex life doesn't get better, I may do the same thing he did to me, but I'm not sure it's worth the risk. I don't masturbate because it does nothing for me. I've tried a few times and it felt like a waste of time. What else am I supposed to do? Please help me get some sexual release.
Signed,
Seriously In Need
Dear Seriously In Need,
Cheating is never the solution. In this case, you both have already cheated and that is not surprising, being that you have been together since you were fourteen years old. But you are both thirty now, and you have three kids. That changes everything. By no means am I going to encourage you or anyone to cheat. That is never the answer. I suggest counseling, if the two of you cannot work it out together. Did his cheating upset you? What do you think your cheating will do to him? The fact that you have already stepped out twice means that your marriage is in serious jeopardy. If the two of you cannot be faithful, you need to evaluate your entire marriage. Bringing other people into the situation never makes sense and it always makes things worse.
Blessings,
Zane
First let me say that I LOVE your books. I wish I were more like you with your sexuality, open and free. Here's my issue....My husband and I have been married for 6 years but we've been together for 16, since we were 14. We have 3 adorable children together and he is a great father and provider but our sex life is like wet bread, soggy and of no use. My sex drive is so low, I hardly ever desire to do it. I get horny about twice a month but at that time he acts disinterested so it goes away. We have sex maybe once or twice a month and it is the same old routine...He kisses me, sucks my titties for a minute or two (which is fine by me because nipple stimulation does nothing for me, it's actually irritating), tries to enter me, then determines it's not wet enough, then goes down on me. I have a clitoral orgasm, he gets up, fucks me real quick, and it’s over. The whole time I'm faking as if it's good when in the back of my mind I'm saying, "Will you hurry the fuck up?"
I am so bored that I really am considering finding someone else to sex me. I have been with 2 others but only briefly and I feel like I' missing out on something more. We have in the past done just about everything you have suggested in your manual, How to Fuck a Man, but none of that works anymore. Every now and then we try something new but it does absolutely nothing for me. He pretends to be happy with the way things are, when he does get some, but I know he can't be if I'm not. I think most of my problem is the fact that he cheated on me a couple of years ago and I haven't trusted him since. I know I should have let his ass go but I didn't because I do love him and felt that things could work. If our sex life doesn't get better, I may do the same thing he did to me, but I'm not sure it's worth the risk. I don't masturbate because it does nothing for me. I've tried a few times and it felt like a waste of time. What else am I supposed to do? Please help me get some sexual release.
Signed,
Seriously In Need
Dear Seriously In Need,
Cheating is never the solution. In this case, you both have already cheated and that is not surprising, being that you have been together since you were fourteen years old. But you are both thirty now, and you have three kids. That changes everything. By no means am I going to encourage you or anyone to cheat. That is never the answer. I suggest counseling, if the two of you cannot work it out together. Did his cheating upset you? What do you think your cheating will do to him? The fact that you have already stepped out twice means that your marriage is in serious jeopardy. If the two of you cannot be faithful, you need to evaluate your entire marriage. Bringing other people into the situation never makes sense and it always makes things worse.
Blessings,
Zane
Completely Lost But Definitely In Love
Dear Zane,
I am a new reader of your books and I love them. I got all of your books but, anyway, I have a situation. I had been with my baby’s daddy for seven years and we just broke up last year. He left me for some crazy white girl. He couldn’t even tell me the real deal. My son had to tell me. But we have still been having sex the entire time he has been with her. The thing is, before we broke up, she knew we were together but she didn’t care. The chick was even bold enough to come up in my face when I was pregnant and lied and told me that she wasn’t messing with him when she was.
We still act like we are together. He does things for me that he had never done when we were together. We have three kids together and he keeps telling me that we wants to come back but claims that he is in a messed-up situation when it comes to her. Let’s get straight to the point. I love the hell out of him. I tried letting go but it hurts too badly and he cannot seem to let go of me either. Anytime he sees me out with my friends, he thinks that their boyfriends are with me and he acts a damn fool. It makes me want to go run and hide. I even tried to stop having sex with him but that didn’t work. I tried dating but he is all I think about. Hell, I just feel stuck.
By the way, I am his first love and he is my first as well. So what do you think I should do because I want him her with me. He wants to leave her but he doesn’t know how to leave because she is really stuck on him. I don’t know the real reason this is happening. I think it’s because of the money she gives him, or it could be that he is in love with her. I am hurting and he knows this because he tells me all the time and he apologizes a lot. He also calls me crying, telling me how bad he realizes that he fucked up when it comes to me. I need your advice. Please help.
Signed,
Completely Lost But Definitely In Love
Dear Completely Lost But Definitely In Love,
You use the word “stuck” a few times in this email and you are right, all of you are stuck on stupidity. It is ironic that I was laying in bed sick this morning, watching Jerry Springer, and the thought went through my head that I would love to do a talk show called “Stuck on Stupid” where I could sit down and talk to some of the women I see on these shows fighting over no-good men.
Everyone is trying. You are trying to stop having sex with him. He is trying to leave the other woman. You are trying to date other people. He is trying to make amends for fucking another woman that he is still fucking. Here is the cold hard truth. Even though he is the father of your three kids, he is not your man but you are his woman. You are not seeing anyone else but he can do whatever he likes, whenever he likes. The other woman—regardless of her face—chose to go after someone else’s man. The fact that you were pregnant makes her even more desperate and she is getting exactly what she asked for—an unfaithful man.
If it were not for the fact that he fathered your children, I would tell you to stay away from him altogether. You are in a very bad place. You have convinced yourself that this man cares about you, even though his actions speak volumes to the exact opposite. He only cares about himself and women tend to allow men to tell them anything and believe it is the gospel. Men realize that they can be as trifling as they want to be but as long as they whisper the right things in our ears, we will fall for the game.
Young lady, this situation will never change. It might go into rotation, meaning he may dump the other woman and come back to you long enough to gauge out his next victim. Then he will be gone again but still coming through to jump between your legs at whim. Why? Because you allow it and only you can stop it. If need be, make arrangements for him to see his kids in a public place, if you feel like you cannot be alone with him without wanting his sex. He may be your first love but you are his biggest fool. The other woman is a fool as well but let him go be her problem.
Blessings,
Zane
I am a new reader of your books and I love them. I got all of your books but, anyway, I have a situation. I had been with my baby’s daddy for seven years and we just broke up last year. He left me for some crazy white girl. He couldn’t even tell me the real deal. My son had to tell me. But we have still been having sex the entire time he has been with her. The thing is, before we broke up, she knew we were together but she didn’t care. The chick was even bold enough to come up in my face when I was pregnant and lied and told me that she wasn’t messing with him when she was.
We still act like we are together. He does things for me that he had never done when we were together. We have three kids together and he keeps telling me that we wants to come back but claims that he is in a messed-up situation when it comes to her. Let’s get straight to the point. I love the hell out of him. I tried letting go but it hurts too badly and he cannot seem to let go of me either. Anytime he sees me out with my friends, he thinks that their boyfriends are with me and he acts a damn fool. It makes me want to go run and hide. I even tried to stop having sex with him but that didn’t work. I tried dating but he is all I think about. Hell, I just feel stuck.
By the way, I am his first love and he is my first as well. So what do you think I should do because I want him her with me. He wants to leave her but he doesn’t know how to leave because she is really stuck on him. I don’t know the real reason this is happening. I think it’s because of the money she gives him, or it could be that he is in love with her. I am hurting and he knows this because he tells me all the time and he apologizes a lot. He also calls me crying, telling me how bad he realizes that he fucked up when it comes to me. I need your advice. Please help.
Signed,
Completely Lost But Definitely In Love
Dear Completely Lost But Definitely In Love,
You use the word “stuck” a few times in this email and you are right, all of you are stuck on stupidity. It is ironic that I was laying in bed sick this morning, watching Jerry Springer, and the thought went through my head that I would love to do a talk show called “Stuck on Stupid” where I could sit down and talk to some of the women I see on these shows fighting over no-good men.
Everyone is trying. You are trying to stop having sex with him. He is trying to leave the other woman. You are trying to date other people. He is trying to make amends for fucking another woman that he is still fucking. Here is the cold hard truth. Even though he is the father of your three kids, he is not your man but you are his woman. You are not seeing anyone else but he can do whatever he likes, whenever he likes. The other woman—regardless of her face—chose to go after someone else’s man. The fact that you were pregnant makes her even more desperate and she is getting exactly what she asked for—an unfaithful man.
If it were not for the fact that he fathered your children, I would tell you to stay away from him altogether. You are in a very bad place. You have convinced yourself that this man cares about you, even though his actions speak volumes to the exact opposite. He only cares about himself and women tend to allow men to tell them anything and believe it is the gospel. Men realize that they can be as trifling as they want to be but as long as they whisper the right things in our ears, we will fall for the game.
Young lady, this situation will never change. It might go into rotation, meaning he may dump the other woman and come back to you long enough to gauge out his next victim. Then he will be gone again but still coming through to jump between your legs at whim. Why? Because you allow it and only you can stop it. If need be, make arrangements for him to see his kids in a public place, if you feel like you cannot be alone with him without wanting his sex. He may be your first love but you are his biggest fool. The other woman is a fool as well but let him go be her problem.
Blessings,
Zane
Come Celebrate the Election at POSH with Zane
COME JOIN ZANE AT POSH TO CELEBRATE THE ELECTION
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
6-10 PM
POSH Restaurant and Supper Club
730 11th Street, NW Washington, DC 20001
202-393-0975
Book Signing
$2 Bar Appetizers
$25 3-Course Prix Fixe Menu
Please call restaurant directly to make reservations.
ADDICTED(First Course) Lobster BisqueBlended with herbs and spices with a drizzle of pesto Posh SaladStrawberries, mangoes, with a drizzle of raspberry dressing Sautéed CalamariSpinach, peppers, jalapeños, and green onions INSATIABLE (Second Course) Grilled Sweet Wild Salmon Sweet corn rice pilaf, sautéed spinach, and a citrus beurre blanc Shrimp and PastaCajun style shrimp tossed in bow tie pasta with a creamy alfredo Fried Chicken QuarterCurry marinated chicken, three cheese mac and cheese, collard greens THE CLIMAX (Third Course) Molten Chocolate cake a la modeSensual Strawberry CheesecakeMini Chocolate Cup Cakes
You can also catch Zane earlier in the day at B. Dalton's in Union Station from 12-2 PM.
Radio One is sponsoring "The World's Largest Office Party."
Usher will be hosting from 12-1 PM.
Zane will also be signing at For Sisters Only on Saturday, November 1st, 2008
From 2-4 PM
The Washington DC Convention Center
Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
6-10 PM
POSH Restaurant and Supper Club
730 11th Street, NW Washington, DC 20001
202-393-0975
Book Signing
$2 Bar Appetizers
$25 3-Course Prix Fixe Menu
Please call restaurant directly to make reservations.
ADDICTED(First Course) Lobster BisqueBlended with herbs and spices with a drizzle of pesto Posh SaladStrawberries, mangoes, with a drizzle of raspberry dressing Sautéed CalamariSpinach, peppers, jalapeños, and green onions INSATIABLE (Second Course) Grilled Sweet Wild Salmon Sweet corn rice pilaf, sautéed spinach, and a citrus beurre blanc Shrimp and PastaCajun style shrimp tossed in bow tie pasta with a creamy alfredo Fried Chicken QuarterCurry marinated chicken, three cheese mac and cheese, collard greens THE CLIMAX (Third Course) Molten Chocolate cake a la modeSensual Strawberry CheesecakeMini Chocolate Cup Cakes
You can also catch Zane earlier in the day at B. Dalton's in Union Station from 12-2 PM.
Radio One is sponsoring "The World's Largest Office Party."
Usher will be hosting from 12-1 PM.
Zane will also be signing at For Sisters Only on Saturday, November 1st, 2008
From 2-4 PM
The Washington DC Convention Center
Addicted, The Movie
I have gotten nearly as many emails asking about Addicted, the movie as I have about the Cinemax show. So let me clear some things up. Yes, Addicted will still be a feature film or, like Zoe from the novel says, "There is not a dog in the entire state of Georgia!"
While we ran into a minor hiccup, the good part is that since the television show went into production, there has been a ton of interest from various Hollywood studios to get my work on the big screen. So there will not just be an Addicted but many other films. I will be sure to keep you posted and thanks for all the excitement about the book and turning it into a movie throughout the years.
Blessings,
Zane
While we ran into a minor hiccup, the good part is that since the television show went into production, there has been a ton of interest from various Hollywood studios to get my work on the big screen. So there will not just be an Addicted but many other films. I will be sure to keep you posted and thanks for all the excitement about the book and turning it into a movie throughout the years.
Blessings,
Zane
When You Cheat on a Cheater, Should You Confess
Dear Zane,
If you found out your mate cheated, but you cheated too, in order to move on, would you tell them all you'd done?
I've been dating this guy for about 10 months, and before that we were friends for a few yrs. I found out in Sept that shortly after he moved overseas (2months), he began cheating. It was an ongoing thing that lasted (he says) until August. I found out b/c I checked his email and she'd sent him an email confessing her love for him but saying she knew he was in love with me and didn't feel the same. I'm hurt, of course, by it, and thinking of giving him another chance, for many reasons, but one to include that I cheated on him. I slept with an old friend, my daughter's father, and had my first female-female experience. I haven't told him. He says if I cheated, he wouldn't want to know, but that if he found out, he'd be equally as pissed. I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm any better than him, although it bothers me most that he was practically 'dating' this other girl for 5 months.
In the spirit of us trying to work on things, do you think I should come clean? Or is this something that I should keep to myself and just vow to do better?
Signed,
Also a Cheater
Dear Also a Cheater,
You should tell him the truth, especially since you slept with the father of your child. That man is going to be around for your entire life and it could easily slip out, if he ever gets mad at you. The first thing out of his mouth will be to tell—or brag—to your new man that he slept with you. While there are different degrees of cheating, the end result means that someone cannot be trusted. I agree that he was actually in another relationship for several months with someone else and you need to think long and hard on that one. Fucking someone else one night is one thing but allowing someone else to develop feelings and engaging in consistent cheating means that he will most likely do it again. You should tell him you slept with another woman as well. Get it all out, then there is nothing for you to get caught up with later.
Honestly, the behavior on both of your parts speaks volumes about your relationship. Why are you together? I think that is a question the two of you need to sit down and answer together, possibly with a counselor because if both of you are cheating now, what will happen down the road? This does not seem like a healthy relationship. In fact, it sounds toxic and many people stay in toxic relationships for years—or even decades—thinking that things will change. Face reality; is this what you really want in your life?
Blessings,
Zane
If you found out your mate cheated, but you cheated too, in order to move on, would you tell them all you'd done?
I've been dating this guy for about 10 months, and before that we were friends for a few yrs. I found out in Sept that shortly after he moved overseas (2months), he began cheating. It was an ongoing thing that lasted (he says) until August. I found out b/c I checked his email and she'd sent him an email confessing her love for him but saying she knew he was in love with me and didn't feel the same. I'm hurt, of course, by it, and thinking of giving him another chance, for many reasons, but one to include that I cheated on him. I slept with an old friend, my daughter's father, and had my first female-female experience. I haven't told him. He says if I cheated, he wouldn't want to know, but that if he found out, he'd be equally as pissed. I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm any better than him, although it bothers me most that he was practically 'dating' this other girl for 5 months.
In the spirit of us trying to work on things, do you think I should come clean? Or is this something that I should keep to myself and just vow to do better?
Signed,
Also a Cheater
Dear Also a Cheater,
You should tell him the truth, especially since you slept with the father of your child. That man is going to be around for your entire life and it could easily slip out, if he ever gets mad at you. The first thing out of his mouth will be to tell—or brag—to your new man that he slept with you. While there are different degrees of cheating, the end result means that someone cannot be trusted. I agree that he was actually in another relationship for several months with someone else and you need to think long and hard on that one. Fucking someone else one night is one thing but allowing someone else to develop feelings and engaging in consistent cheating means that he will most likely do it again. You should tell him you slept with another woman as well. Get it all out, then there is nothing for you to get caught up with later.
Honestly, the behavior on both of your parts speaks volumes about your relationship. Why are you together? I think that is a question the two of you need to sit down and answer together, possibly with a counselor because if both of you are cheating now, what will happen down the road? This does not seem like a healthy relationship. In fact, it sounds toxic and many people stay in toxic relationships for years—or even decades—thinking that things will change. Face reality; is this what you really want in your life?
Blessings,
Zane
Should You Be Funding a Man's Career Goals?
Hey Zane,
I wanted to ask you for some advice. Ok, so I have a daughter and my child's father and I are real cool friends most of the time. The problem is that he's an aspiring rapper and he doesn't have a job. Sometimes he asks me for money and I don't feel right giving it to him; which makes me question can we really be friends. I'm the type of person who wants everyone to get along but in this case my family isn't too fond of him. At first they were but at some point in time he has disrespected some loved ones that I really love. I usually will lend a friend money but in this case everyone else is putting this bug in my ear. By him being my child's father they don't think I should do anything for him, nor should he even have the balls to ask me for something in the first place when he doesn't have a job and does nothing for my daughter. Then there are sometimes when we'd be talking and he'll start talking everything he's going to buy for himself when he does get money...I've told him that makes me uncomfortable saying what he's going to get himself and I have his daughter and he's doing nothing for her.
What do I do in this case? Do I treat him like I would a regular friend?
Signed,
Confused Mother
Dear Confused Mother,
You should not be giving him a dime and you need to take him to court for child support and force him to get a job. I have never heard him rap but the odds of him becoming the next Jay-Z or 50 Cent is slim to none because everything is not based on talent. People kill me when they refuse to work a regular job while they try to achieve other goals, whether it be becoming a rapper or actress, starting a new business, or becoming a writer. Bills still have to be paid and, in this case, he has a child. He is taking food out of his own child's mouth by asking you for money and you are cosigning on it. That money can go into a college fund or anything else. That man is not your responsibility because he donated sperm. It is interesting that he talks about all the stuff he is going to buy for himself when he hits it big. What has he said he is going to buy for you and his daughter? Let me guess. Not a damn thing. He is a selfish individual and a user and you need to stop giving him money TODAY. I am serious about the child support thing too. If he does not want to become a man on his own, then force him to become one for your child's sake.
Blessings,
Zane
I wanted to ask you for some advice. Ok, so I have a daughter and my child's father and I are real cool friends most of the time. The problem is that he's an aspiring rapper and he doesn't have a job. Sometimes he asks me for money and I don't feel right giving it to him; which makes me question can we really be friends. I'm the type of person who wants everyone to get along but in this case my family isn't too fond of him. At first they were but at some point in time he has disrespected some loved ones that I really love. I usually will lend a friend money but in this case everyone else is putting this bug in my ear. By him being my child's father they don't think I should do anything for him, nor should he even have the balls to ask me for something in the first place when he doesn't have a job and does nothing for my daughter. Then there are sometimes when we'd be talking and he'll start talking everything he's going to buy for himself when he does get money...I've told him that makes me uncomfortable saying what he's going to get himself and I have his daughter and he's doing nothing for her.
What do I do in this case? Do I treat him like I would a regular friend?
Signed,
Confused Mother
Dear Confused Mother,
You should not be giving him a dime and you need to take him to court for child support and force him to get a job. I have never heard him rap but the odds of him becoming the next Jay-Z or 50 Cent is slim to none because everything is not based on talent. People kill me when they refuse to work a regular job while they try to achieve other goals, whether it be becoming a rapper or actress, starting a new business, or becoming a writer. Bills still have to be paid and, in this case, he has a child. He is taking food out of his own child's mouth by asking you for money and you are cosigning on it. That money can go into a college fund or anything else. That man is not your responsibility because he donated sperm. It is interesting that he talks about all the stuff he is going to buy for himself when he hits it big. What has he said he is going to buy for you and his daughter? Let me guess. Not a damn thing. He is a selfish individual and a user and you need to stop giving him money TODAY. I am serious about the child support thing too. If he does not want to become a man on his own, then force him to become one for your child's sake.
Blessings,
Zane
Barack Obama's Grandmother Dies One Day Before the Election
Barack Obama says that his grandmother has died.
The Democratic presidential candidate announced the news in a joint statement with his sister Maya Soetoro-Ng. He said his grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, had died peacefully after a battle with cancer.He said: "She was the cornerstone of our family, and a woman of extraordinary accomplishment, strength, and humility. She was the person who encouraged and allowed us to take chances.
"The candidate learned of her death Monday morning while he was campaigning in Jacksonville, Fla. He planned to go ahead with campaign appearances.Late last month, Obama took a break from campaigning and flew to Hawaii to be with the 86-year-old Dunham, who helped raise him.
The Democratic presidential candidate announced the news in a joint statement with his sister Maya Soetoro-Ng. He said his grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, had died peacefully after a battle with cancer.He said: "She was the cornerstone of our family, and a woman of extraordinary accomplishment, strength, and humility. She was the person who encouraged and allowed us to take chances.
"The candidate learned of her death Monday morning while he was campaigning in Jacksonville, Fla. He planned to go ahead with campaign appearances.Late last month, Obama took a break from campaigning and flew to Hawaii to be with the 86-year-old Dunham, who helped raise him.
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