Dear Zane,
First and foremost, allow me to say thank you for novels that are intensifying to the mind, body and soul! My boyfriend and I have been together for six years, on and off. We both decided to give up the lives we once led to share one together. He is twenty-seven with one child and I am twenty-six with no offspring…at the moment! This is the first consistent year that we have been together. We now live together. However, he is beginning his law career in another state next year and asked me to come with him. I happily agreed. Because of our past, I wanted to take precautions. Would it be absurd for me to insist that we become engaged before we continue our journey together?
Signed,
Needed Advice
Dear Needed Advice,
What would be absurd is for you not to insist on being engaged—or better yet married—before you move with him to another state. While you are both still relatively young (under 30), six years is long enough for anyone to test drive a vehicle for any journey, like the one you have agreed to take together. You already live together, you have accepted his child, but now you are planning to make a huge sacrifice by following the man across state lines. I commend you for wanting to make sure that you will not find yourself in a crazy predicament after giving up so much to be with him. If he is not ready to get married, or at least ready to start making preparations to get married, you should reconsider the move. That does not mean that the relationship has to end but you certainly have to protect your best interest.
Blessings,
Zane
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
A Momma's Boy or a Concerned Son and Great Catch?: An Advice Question
Dear Zane,
I have had problems with women for a long time. I wanted to quit dealing with them altogether and concentrate on work for the rest of my life, but then I found a good woman. The relationship started off nice and slow, but she wanted to speed things up. Everything started to fall apart since she rushed it. I haven’t cheated on her or anything like that.
The thing is that she wants me to spend the night with her, but she waits until the last minute to ask. Memorial Day Weekend was the worst. I was invited to her father’s to meet him for the first time. He was the coolest O.G. that I have ever met and the rest of the family was cool, too. As we left to go home, she said a lot of things since she had consumed three drinks.
I reside with my mother because she is sick. I try to make sure that she is okay and handle some of the bills. My so-called girlfriend called me a “Momma’s Boy” because I wouldn’t spend the night with her. I prefer to plan things ahead of time. We were only supposed to be going to her father’s house to eat and hang out with the family. I am not happy in this relationship. It has gotten so bad that I have completely lost my sex drive. Please help me out with any advice. I am thinking about leaving her and go back to working until I can’t work anymore.
Signed,
Not a Momma’s Boy
Dear Not a Momma’s Boy,
Let me start by saying that even if this current relationship ends, you cannot conclude that burying yourself in work is the only alternative. I understand that you have had a string of bad relationships but you have to keep that door of possibilities open. There is a lovely young lady out there that would accept you as you are and love you. The two of you have to simply have the same priorities in life and she has to be understanding.
It is a wonderful thing that you are so concerned about your mother. Some “selfish” women will see that as a negative but other “smarter” women will realize that if you are capable of sacrificing so much for your mother, that means that you would do the same for your wife. I would not give up on your current relationship so quickly. There was something that drew you to her in the first place; something that made you take a chance. That something is still there. What you have to do is have a serious discussion with her. Let her know that you considered her statements to be disrespectful and that, unless she plans to change her outlook, you no longer will be aroused by her. Either she is willing to change or she is not. If she goes to calling you names again, then she is probably too selfish or immature to appreciate you. Work ethics are a good thing but never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
Blessings,
Zane
I have had problems with women for a long time. I wanted to quit dealing with them altogether and concentrate on work for the rest of my life, but then I found a good woman. The relationship started off nice and slow, but she wanted to speed things up. Everything started to fall apart since she rushed it. I haven’t cheated on her or anything like that.
The thing is that she wants me to spend the night with her, but she waits until the last minute to ask. Memorial Day Weekend was the worst. I was invited to her father’s to meet him for the first time. He was the coolest O.G. that I have ever met and the rest of the family was cool, too. As we left to go home, she said a lot of things since she had consumed three drinks.
I reside with my mother because she is sick. I try to make sure that she is okay and handle some of the bills. My so-called girlfriend called me a “Momma’s Boy” because I wouldn’t spend the night with her. I prefer to plan things ahead of time. We were only supposed to be going to her father’s house to eat and hang out with the family. I am not happy in this relationship. It has gotten so bad that I have completely lost my sex drive. Please help me out with any advice. I am thinking about leaving her and go back to working until I can’t work anymore.
Signed,
Not a Momma’s Boy
Dear Not a Momma’s Boy,
Let me start by saying that even if this current relationship ends, you cannot conclude that burying yourself in work is the only alternative. I understand that you have had a string of bad relationships but you have to keep that door of possibilities open. There is a lovely young lady out there that would accept you as you are and love you. The two of you have to simply have the same priorities in life and she has to be understanding.
It is a wonderful thing that you are so concerned about your mother. Some “selfish” women will see that as a negative but other “smarter” women will realize that if you are capable of sacrificing so much for your mother, that means that you would do the same for your wife. I would not give up on your current relationship so quickly. There was something that drew you to her in the first place; something that made you take a chance. That something is still there. What you have to do is have a serious discussion with her. Let her know that you considered her statements to be disrespectful and that, unless she plans to change her outlook, you no longer will be aroused by her. Either she is willing to change or she is not. If she goes to calling you names again, then she is probably too selfish or immature to appreciate you. Work ethics are a good thing but never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
Blessings,
Zane
Monday, May 24, 2010
A Wife Scorned: An Advice Question
Dear Zane,
I have been married for four years. Over the course of the past three, he has been flirting with other women on the computer and over the phone. He went out of town earlier this year and since the phone is in my name, I have full access to the call logs. Even though he realizes that, when I checked his photo files, there was a picture of what appeared to be his face buried in this bitch’s pussy. He denied it and went through a crying spell. I tried to confront the girl but she wouldn’t respond. We are still together and I don’t know why. There is some love there but he irks the shit out of me. I don’t even want him to touch me, let alone sex me, but I don’t know if I should try and make it work. Maybe you can give me some advice. Please help.
Signed,
Wife Scorned
Dear Wife Scorned,
Even though your husband’s behavior is sad, what is truly sad is your confusion over what you should do about it. That level of disrespect can only lead to a continuance of the same, or worse. If seeing a photo of his face in another chick’s snatch is not enough to make you realize that he is not worth your time, I am not sure what would be. The fact that he has spent three-fourths of your marriage flirting with other women on the Internet and talking to them on the phone means that he is married but still looking. He clearly does not feel that you complete what he perceives to be his total package. You cannot make something work unless both parties are going to put forth the effort. So what if he cried? That’s what most men do when they get busted. They cry, beg for forgiveness, promise to never do it again, whip out their dicks to soothe things over, and then go right back to their doggish ways as soon as the opportunity presents itself; sometimes even the same day.
He may have denied it but you know it was him. Why would a man have a photo of another man performing oral sex on a woman in his phone? Besides, you can recognize your own husband; even if it is only the back of his head. You have two options: you can accept that your husband is going to cheat on you regardless of your feelings, or you can put a stop to the ridiculous situation. He is not going to do anything because since you have apparently accepted that nonsense, he thinks that he has it made. Unfortunately way too many women do put up with blatant disrespect and that’s why men continue to do it.
Blessings,
Zane
I have been married for four years. Over the course of the past three, he has been flirting with other women on the computer and over the phone. He went out of town earlier this year and since the phone is in my name, I have full access to the call logs. Even though he realizes that, when I checked his photo files, there was a picture of what appeared to be his face buried in this bitch’s pussy. He denied it and went through a crying spell. I tried to confront the girl but she wouldn’t respond. We are still together and I don’t know why. There is some love there but he irks the shit out of me. I don’t even want him to touch me, let alone sex me, but I don’t know if I should try and make it work. Maybe you can give me some advice. Please help.
Signed,
Wife Scorned
Dear Wife Scorned,
Even though your husband’s behavior is sad, what is truly sad is your confusion over what you should do about it. That level of disrespect can only lead to a continuance of the same, or worse. If seeing a photo of his face in another chick’s snatch is not enough to make you realize that he is not worth your time, I am not sure what would be. The fact that he has spent three-fourths of your marriage flirting with other women on the Internet and talking to them on the phone means that he is married but still looking. He clearly does not feel that you complete what he perceives to be his total package. You cannot make something work unless both parties are going to put forth the effort. So what if he cried? That’s what most men do when they get busted. They cry, beg for forgiveness, promise to never do it again, whip out their dicks to soothe things over, and then go right back to their doggish ways as soon as the opportunity presents itself; sometimes even the same day.
He may have denied it but you know it was him. Why would a man have a photo of another man performing oral sex on a woman in his phone? Besides, you can recognize your own husband; even if it is only the back of his head. You have two options: you can accept that your husband is going to cheat on you regardless of your feelings, or you can put a stop to the ridiculous situation. He is not going to do anything because since you have apparently accepted that nonsense, he thinks that he has it made. Unfortunately way too many women do put up with blatant disrespect and that’s why men continue to do it.
Blessings,
Zane
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