I want to thank you for writing those wonderful books. They have brought a lot of excitement into my sex life. I have a problem, and maybe you are the only person who can help me with this. I am nineteen years old and I have had three sexual partners since I was sixteen. Each one of them has been good but only one has made me climb the walls—if you know what I am saying. I am currently not in a relationship with anyone for many different reasons but my problem lies with my current mate. Even though we have not been sexually active as of yet, he gives me hints that he wants sex. I am a firm believer that you have to get to know someone before you just have sex with him. Like young and confused, I love having my pussy eaten but I do not think that he does that. Is there a way that I can ask him without being so blunt about the situation?
Young and Needing
Dear Young and Needing,
You are averaging a partner a year so be careful. I am glad that you feel you should get to know someone before you sleep with them; you should. You state that you have a mate but you are not in a relationship. I am going to assume that you are casually dating but remain noncommittal and are simply going with the flow. That is a good thing; we should never rush matters of the heart.
Part of getting to know someone involves gaining information about their sexual past. Even at your young age, you have a sexual history and it is vital that both partners enter a situation with their eyes open. It is also important to be sexually compatible. Too many people wait until it is too late, when they are emotionally attached, before they deal with that issue. I would suggest that you have a candid discussion with the young man about his sexual history, his preferences, the things that turn him on and off, and whether or not he has ever contracted a venereal disease. Also, when was the last time he was tested for HIV. You need to be tested as well. It only takes one time to get pregnant and one time to catch something. They sell the tests in drug stores now. Do not be ashamed to buy one. A purchase does not imply you are positive; it proves that you are positive about living a fulfilled life.