I have been reading your books for about 6 years now. I read Addicted first and was all up in the bookstore as more of your books came out. Let me get to my problem.I am 31 year old divorced mother of 3 children. I was divorced about 6 years ago and I have not been in a relationship since then. The first few years it was fine with me because I was just rediscovering life as a single woman. But now it is starting to bother me. I have tried the dating thing, but every man that I thought I was dating wasn't really interested in me. They seemed to be more interested in just having the "friends with benefits" kind of relationship. I feel like I am too old for it now. I was starting to think that something was wrong with me, so that’s why men wouldn’t take me seriously. Then I asked someone that I had dated previously and was told that men are afraid of me because I have 3 kids. I just don’t understand how me being able to date has anything to do with me having kids. People do it all the time, or so I thought. So my question is this, do men really run away from women that have children, and if they do, then why even act interested if they are not going to take that woman seriously?
Dateless Single Mother
Feel free to use this in your blog, I am interested in what people think about this.
Dear Dateless Single Mother,
The fact that you have children might have something to do with it when it comes to being in a serious relationship but like you said, why even approach you or get with you in the first place. If you are dating men who do not have children, that may be the problem. I notice on a lot of the reality dating shows that the first contestant often eliminated is the one with kids because the other party is still looking to have fun and not be tied down. Many people assume—especially arrogant men—that women with children are searching for a baby’s daddy and not simply a man.
I have no idea what kind of vibes you are giving off but there are men out there who love kids and would welcome the opportunity to get to know you. You should seek out men in similar situations though. I have kids and the men that I date tend to have kids so it is a mutual thing. I honestly shy away from men without kids because I do not feel that they could A)totally comprehend that my children come first and B)understand that I do not plan on having any more kids. That is a personal preference of mine and everyone is entitled to that. I do not try to hide it though.
You need to be upfront with men you meet from this point forward and ask them straight up if they have an issue with you being a mother. If they do, let them keep moving on so you can save yourself a bunch of heartache. It will be interesting to see what others think.